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O Godot, Godot! Wherefore art thou, Godot?

2007-06-25T04:23:00.000+08:00

I cannot explain what has been going on these days because I've been waiting for Godot... That's right... No idea why, but I feel that Godot will come soon.

Then again, if Godot ever comes, will I be prepared for it embrace it with my heart or will it be a blunt disappointment?

Sometimes anticipation drains one of enthusiasm.

I know I'm seemingly cryptic here, but hey... it's how my mind is working right now.

And it sucks.

See, everytime I type, the elaborations in each sentence are omitted. I think in phrases. Words.
Barely sentences...

Heck, I even think in punctuations. The most common ones are "???" and "?"
Occasionally "!" pops up in my head and when I try to think, my mind goes "... ..."

What more a story?

I can only wonder what's in store for me.

It's 0435h now and I still can't sleep because I need doughnuts for my soul. Blame KakLong for posting a picture of a boxful of glazed (and probably stuffed cream!!!) doughnuts. I'll probably try to queue hours for doughnuts tomorrow then. But they only sell by the box, and I'm not sure if I can afford it. Well... See how la.

A Child Called 'It"

2007-06-07T14:47:00.000+08:00

I cried... Real tear-jerker. I didn't expect that to happen to me, not while doing what I love doing - reading. So, yeah, you can check it out. It was riveting and compelling. I wonder how anyone could do that.

A Child Called 'It'
by Dave Pelzer

Have I mentioned that it's based on the author's life?! This book isn't mere fiction but I was hoping it was when I read it.

P/S: Foung this link while searching. You may read snippets of what's to come.

Regards to all :-)

Cheap shot

2007-04-25T11:58:00.000+08:00

So, yeah... the poll is a cheap shot at attention... and humour. Ahaha... Because I am so lame. But I'm just curious cos I cannot tahan pedas. Also, at the time I requested a poll recommendation, I had some funky idea, and by the time I could do the poll, it flew off my mind.

Smile and participate before it gets replaced by something more serious. As for the forehead issue, not enough response man... I prolly gotta go over there with my measuring tape and a chart.

You know something, I think I am queer. I've been told so, and I feel so. Sometimes, difference is a novelty... sometimes, it ostracises you. Oh well... whatever makes me happy. Now, let me share with everyone my 2 pet causes. I'm not Miss Earth, I know... but I have pet causes ok. People think it's weird. Some get shocked. But hey... a little sharing goes a long way.

1) AIDS is so scary... but it's increasing in statistics. And it doesn't help in education because to discuss it is taboo. Seriously. I'm sure, even if we meet, we're not going to talk about it face to face. I guess behind the screen is always easier to speak of something so heretic to society. See, my pet cause is to be protected. It's that simple to keep AIDS at bay. Buying the condom shouldn't be too embarrasing or difficult for anyone who decides to have some 'responsibility'. It is almost safe against diseases and unplanned pregnancies. With proper knowledge of its appropriate usage, we can beat the statistics and save babies born with the disease. But then... some argue about religion getting in the way of the condom. If they're gonna have pre/ extra marital sex anyway, still think about the sperms dying meh?

Anyway, out of the millions of sperms produced by the male at any one time (assuming ideal conditions), only ONE will fertilise the egg and the rest will die. So talk about the condom suffocating millions of sperm? I think saving ONE life is better than saving ONE sperm.

Also, all women should undergo a HIV test before planning a family. I'm sure we all trust the man we're gonna wed eventually... but sometimes, you'll just never know. And the lifelong suffering that comes along with it is gonna be way too heavy to accept.

Ok, that was long... but I already curbed myself from going into details. And it is difficult for Muslims to talk about sex. I'm talking about societal issues and the fate of the world!

2) Saving the Earth. I mean, within our means. How many of you have got a closet filled with plastic bags??? See, what we can do is simple. Carry washable shopping bags. They look so unfashionable but let's not risk the Earth's life further. Be it your mama shop, your Ah Boon store or the hypermarket, bring your shopping bag. It's a cloth bag that you can stuff into your glove box, or your trunk, or even your pocket! Ladies, if you can hold your wallet and handphone in your palm, why not carry this nicely folded shopping bag? Do not ask for more plastic bags than needed. You don't need it eventhough it's free.

Sometimes, we have to make a conscientious effort. So, before I go into details about how the Earth is ailing, let me conclude my 2 pet causes. I share it if I can. Sometimes it gets weird, but I know that people do listen.

With knowledge, people can make calculated choices.
Everyone deserves to choose life.

Polls

2007-04-16T06:20:00.000+08:00

Do you know how to create polls on blogger? Is it possible? Or are there some funky widgets out there that enables poll creation? It'd be fun.

:)

Yes, it's now 0621h! I welcome Mondays with a smile.

Incredible!

2007-04-11T11:43:00.000+08:00

Incredibly lazy, that is... in updating this blog.

Nothing much to write.

Though I might confess soon.

Aiyah... too many things ricocheting in this head of mine.
Do you know I've a very broad forehead?
Speaking of which, can I do a poll of those of you* who also have one mighty broad jendul?
Please reply in comments. (can also provide info for those* who have it, but don't come in here)

See, I always digress.

Oh ya, for those* who wants their confidentiality kept (for the jendul matter), please email me.

P/S:
Afifah - I passed 3 books to your mom, I think.
1) The Rule of Four
2) Like a Flowing River
3) Blood and Gold
I recommend you read (3), and (2) is easily readable... nice to share. Your mom took it cos you know, she knows you adore Coelho too. Finish up (3) soon so by the time you come here, you can bury your face in my Anne Rice section. To know what else to read, go to my LIBRARYTHING link on the left. It's as much I've managed to catalogue.

Mak Jang - Happy Birthday!
Had I known, it was, well, your birthday... when you came, I would've baked something. You know, I need an opportunity to exercise my interest. I call it an interest, not hobby. Cos I do it oh so seldom-ly. Yes, occasional is the word. And thanks for bringing me around the hospitals. It was interesting and insightful. Plus I get to observe the different local characters. Come again soon!

The 3 girls - Re: SPM results
I already know... Please share how to get countless 'A's. It's already very very very good... I mean very very very very good! And Jana... 12 As?!!!

As always. I'm such a geek.
Thank God I look otherwise (although it has its pros and cons).

Ok, I will write soon.
I promise.

In the meanwhile, please please update me on your* (and the rest's) foreheads.
*Only blood relations applicable.

Peace.

Thoughts...

2007-03-19T02:42:00.000+08:00

It's 0242h and I need to sleep... but what I just did was crunched my way through a whole bag of keropok ikan! You know... the jumbo pack type! Hold on, let me check - 200g! Yeah, start shaking your head. I'm shaking mine too... while tsk-ing.

Can't sleep. Suddenly, I feel my mind at a juncture I can't point a finger at. You know, we are all realists, cos idealism always seem so far. Yet something just clicked in me, that I'm moving on into idealism while being a realist. Is this trouble?

I mean, it's possible to have such a balance, isn't it?

I'm not beating myself up over it, but I just feel like something is just off-balance inside and outside, it's seemingly smooth. Is this the calm before the storm? Or am I already in the eye?

Please enlighten the young one.

(And no, you can't have the keropoks just because I might have tempted you. It's nasty, really... after a big bag. Now just let me down it with some Pepsi...)

I kid you not. :-(

What's so wrong?

2007-02-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

Over the long CNY weekend, there was a whole selection of movies to watch, offered by the various channels. Being me, I turned to the unusual, which is to tune in to the malay channel, Suria. Festivities drive me crazy. The least I need is for the main channels to run noisy adverts. Anyway, I watched 4 movies overall! (Which is quite an achievement actually... in malay some more!) The winners were:

1) Trauma
2) Sepet
3) Ungu Violet (indon)
4) Gubra

I thought the directors for all these 4 were amazing... either that, or I didn't realise how much I've missed out from malay films.

Trauma was almost a perfect thriller cos the director was subtle in letting us in on the schemes... until he/she did frequent flashbacks during its peak. Bummer.

Sepet was very sweet. Funny in parts. Significant in today's society as well. I don't understand how it is a taboo to date another race. If there's one thing I hate in this world, it is discrimination. And hypocrisy. Ok, that's two things... but aren't we all generations borne out of different cultures and races? But the ending... aiyah... it was so predictable but since it was such a sweet movie, I half expected a happily-ever-after ending.

Ungu Violet is another sweet movie. Towards the end, you thought it's going to be a predictable tear jerker... But hey... love makes the world go round. Isn't ungu violet in malay?

Then finally, Gubra. It's a sequel to Sepet. I thought it didn't cover much on Orked's life (I need the dots joined from that Sepet ending!) cos it made me focus more on the other story going on at the kampung. That, I don't know how real... but it is, however, crucial in educating the viewers. That disease which is so unmentionable it becomes forsaken... forgotten... all because of ignorance and weakness. I think it's a good movie but I read reviews which said that it should be banned! What? Any movie that educates should never be banned. Taboos are meant to be discussed... especially if it becomes one. Anyway, violence isn't glorified here at all... unlike most mainstream movies.

It feels so good to watch malay movies once in a while. =)
Except that I understand by reading the subtitles. =(

Notices due

2007-02-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Notice 1:
Apologies for irregular updates;
for keeping out of touch with some people, even when I know I should

Notice 2:
I'm not inspired enough to write

Notice 3:
Congratulations to Uncle ****** (daddy's only brother) for ... you know... should it be classified info? (But already a very public figure huh?)

Notice 4:
Tok Bang, I hope your eye op is a success.

Notice 5:
Afiqah and Aqela, you must be waiting for results right? Is Aqela in the blog circle? (if not, rope her in!) Well, Afiqah, it's cool that you're volunteering with the zoo! I so wanted to do that you know... Not the most glamourous of jobs, veterinary is, but you know what is rewarding. Don't think about the fact that veterinary is probably the toughest course ever! =) Read up more, volunteer and get more experience.

Notice 6 is a reminder:
Everyday I hear the rustle of the leaves as the wind blows... even if it's a slight rustle, I hear it calling to me... Sometimes, it sounds like laughter, like a tribal dance celebrating life.. sometimes they pour out their hearts telling me how everyone walks past it without acknowledging them. Suddenly the rustling seems to me as though it has its arms flailing frantically, shouting, "Hello! Hello! I'm here, do you see me?" (we all CAN see, but DO we see?)

You know I keep reminding everyone, don't forget the trees, the leaves... the very essence that creates the webs of life. What is the use? I don't know... When I have the urge to share it, I will. Maybe it annoys you, maybe it puts a smile on your face. We never forget God... yet sometimes we overlook the important manifestations of life. It never fails to intrigue me and make me wonder. I'm sure Tok Kamil will understand what I mean. He is after all, the "rambling man who rambles what he wonders". Maybe I can't put my thoughts into palatable sentences (yet?). I begin with baby steps, talking about the trees who love us so. I hope that one day, I can join the dots. Till then, bear with the incoherent thoughts. I'm sorry I cannot always put a point across, sharp but sweet.

Until I find the intermediary dots, I will continue to share the little bits and pieces I see (or feel). This is, after all, my diary, no? :-)

You know, even when I don't make an effort to drop by doesn't mean that I've forgotten you all... I have got a lot of love to share. But funny how when we actually meet, we don't talk to one another like how we write to each other.

=) peace

Yawwnnnn....

2006-11-26T03:32:00.000+08:00

I had to go to school by 0845 but I didn't wake up till 0700! So I was about half an hour late for my "compulsory workshop". In case you all didn't know, I'm graduating soon, so I have to attend this workshop on resume writing. Thankfully, the auditorium was packed so I guess the speaker had to wait quite a while for the crowd to settle down. Hence, I did not miss a thing! Perfect.

We had refreshments which was great because I was starving and I didn't have any money, since I didn't have time to draw some cash from the atm. It's pathetic I know... but such is the life of a student, ey? So I had my morning coffee, sandwiches and guess what. Fried rice! Carbohydrate overload is not good for morning workshops. You get too sluggish. So I struggled to stay awake througout the workshop as the speaker went on and on citing examples. Thank goodness for printouts. I had slept barely 3 hours last night, studying in bed. I survived the workshop. Even got me a certificate of participation! Who will ever want to check this certificate?! Hahaha...

The afternoon sun was scorching today and I had to walk in it, to go to the NUS Medical Library. Believe it or not, it was intolerable, plus I was still feeling groggy... I actually opened up my umbrella to give me some shade as I walked. It was quite a walk cos I had to wear the wrong shoes. Women... vanity does come with a price. I got my textbooks and made my way back... literally across Singapore, lugging 3 textbooks, a heavy file, and a handbag, in the scorching hot sun... in a pair or wrong shoes. My hands weren't even available to hold an umbrella by then.

I managed to get a seat in the train and rarely do I sleep in the train... I did it today. I just dozed off. I woke up suddenly conscious of myself cos my head was upturned, and I think my mouth was agape! Talk about embarrassing... It is absolutely embarrassing. I hope I didn't snore or choke on saliva or something. At least I didn't drool! hahaha... At least I didn't miss my stop! I woke up 2 stations before mine so I had to sit and stare at my books cos I didn't want to see anyone snickering at me, which could get me grumpy.

I finally reached my station, bought 2 cream buns, and took a bus to the community club near my place. If you didn't know, I could walk there, but I had to be a weak and lazy princess, taking the bus for 2 stops. Plus it had rained and I didn't wanna ruin my pretty "wrong shoes". (No wonder it was so sunny) I had my lunch and went to the reading room to study. It was cold and I got even more sluggish and groggier... So I tried to nap with my head on the table as all students do. I could've gone home first to nap, but I would sleep till tomorrow and not get any studying done. Nothing seemed right, or comfortable... and this poor princess hid at the corner of the room, sitting on the floor with her head propped against the table's metal stand. When you're tired like that, you have to listen to your body. So I surrendered myself to slumber even when it was such a weird position and at the most unlikely place.

Managed to nap for an hour, waking up with a sore bum, creases on my face, and carpet burns on my hands. Even so, you know what 1-hour naps do for you, don't ya? It revitalises you! So yeah... I studied thereafter. It was all good. :-)

On my way back, I met my 2 taekwondo instructors giving lessons at the courtyard. Oh my god... They were asking me to come back for lessons. Should be convenient since they now teach nearer to my house. But it has been about 4-5 years since I did taekwondo. My Sir reminded me that I left it hanging behind, and I've got only 1 (or 2) grading(s) left to get my black belt. It sounds like a good plan. But 4 years is a long time away from taekwondo! I doubt I can do a jumping backthrust or the whatever hibber jibbers they do. I'm not in the shape for such things. (which makes it even more imperative I do it!) So yeah... I'll think about it. I would be the oldest member there! The group consisted of little kids... I would be one of the most senior though. Ahaha... Yeah, I'm trying to be more optimistic on this issue.

"always look on, the bright side of life... *whistles*"

My Sir compromised with me. That even if I don't return to get my black belt, I should still be in the taekwondo scene... as I used to. This consists of volunteering during tournaments and events as one of the officers. I'd check the nails, the paddings (see, I even forgot what those things are called!), sign them in, etc. Whatever I have to do to make sure the fighters comply with the rules. He tried to tempt me with a good deal... for the taekwondo open, which will include fighters from all over the world, as a liason officer, or whatever I wanna do.

I'll think about it... it'll be great to get back in the circle... but I will not be a student anymore. My time might be equal to money by then. Did I not just learn to write a resume?!

I'm not sure what the future holds for me yet... even if it's 6 months.

I need sleep. Look, I can't even write grammatically right sentences. Don't wanna have to sleep on the reading room floor tomorrow.

Upcoming exams:
- Clinical Data Management
- Diseases and their Treatments
- Dissertation

Let me pass out now.

Thank you for reading my long, boring entry.

Love those colours!

2006-11-24T04:17:00.000+08:00

Sorry everyone... I've been really busy. I've barely the time to blog and read your blogs. Even if I use the little time I have to blog, I have no inspiration. Been pretty much brain dead these days.

Can't wait to be officially unemployed. Really soon. Then, probably I'd give the blog a facelift, update some features and probably let you have a peek at my "ambitious space" link. Truth be told, I don't even know where to start for that one! That one will really need a jumpstart! :D

I can't believe a year is coming to and end. I still wanna be a student with no worries other than studies. Is this what they mean by good things will come to an end? The things which come in phases, that we won't realise it's good until it has passed us by... Is this also what they meant by, we don't know what we're missing till we lose it?

I guess life is too short for regrets. So everyone, cherish every little moments that you live through, be it with your loved ones, or even doing the simplest things like walking and eating. There are many things we have taken for granted. I heard our laurels aren't meant to be sat on...

:-)

Well, seriously, I read somewhere that based on the study on the evolution of mankind, our physique is not made for sitting! I'm not sure if it's true cos I'm too lazy to research on that now. Can you imagine that?! Not sitting...

Couches and chairs would never be invented! Let's imagine then... our mode of lounging.

You will now have to ponder over:
1) what we have done the past year
2) what if we couldn't sit on our butts

Diarna likes to make you think.

You should.

Go ahead and stimulate those grey matter.

Cos when we take it for granted and get complacent, they can degenerate.

They're God's gift you know...

Just like the trees that recycle our air.

Give them (the brain, the tree, and everything that you have taken for granted... just not the TV!) a hug and tell them how much you appreciate them.

It's the thought that counts... So yes, you may do a "mental" hug.

:-D

Hey, I did manage to write a lot!

:-) Peace.

The Tears of the Desert

2006-10-13T12:40:00.000+08:00

I have finally finished marking the whole level. I was deprived of sleep. Thanks to Fazrul for helping me out. Next race, exams, which begins next week. Pathological Basis of Medicine. The week after, Project Management for Pharmaceutical Development.

I've typed out this short story from my current favourite author's new book. (Which I had for almost a month already). Just to share it with you, please read the following.

It's time to break fast now. I made spiced porridge with minced chicken. At least on this rare Saturday, everyone is home to eat.

---------------------------------------------

A friend of mine returns from Morocco with a beautiful story about a missionary who, as soon as he arrived in Marrakesh, decided that he would go for a walk every morning in the desert that lay just outside the city. The first time he did this, he noticed a man lying down, with his ear pressed to the ground and stroking the sand with one hand.

"He's obviously mad," the missionary said to himself.

But the scene was repeated every day, and after a month, intrigued by this strange behaviour, he decided to speak to the stranger. With great difficulty, since he was not yet fluent in Arabic, he knelt down by his side.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm keeping the desert company and offering it consolation for its loneliness and its tears."

"It weeps every day because it dreams of being useful to people, and of being transfprmed into a vast garden where they could grow cereal crops and flowers and graze sheep."

"Well, tell the desert that it is performing an important duty," said the missionary. "whenever I walk in the desert, I understand man's true size, because its vast open space reminds me of how small we are compared with God. When I look at its sands, I imagine all the millions of people in the world who were born equal, even if the world has not always been fair to all of them. Its mountains help me to meditate, and when I see the sun coming up over the horizon, my soul fills with joy and I feel closer to the Creator."

The missionary left the man and returned to his daily tasks. Imagine his surprise when, next morning, he found the man in the same place and in the same position.

"Did you tell the desert everything that I said?"

The man nodded.

"And it's still weeping?"

"I can hear every sob. Now it's weeping because it has spent thousands of years thinking that it was completely useless and wasted all that time blaspheming against God and its own fate."

"Well, tell the desert that even though we human beings have a much shorter lifespan, we also spend much of our time thinking we're useless. We rarely discover our true destiny, and feel that God has been unjust to us. When the moment finally comes, and something happens that reveals to us the reason we were born, we think it's too late to change our life and continue to suffer, and, like the desert, blame ourselves for the time we have wasted."

"I don't know if the desert will hear that," said the man. "He's accustomed to pain, and can't see things any other way."

"Let's do what I always do when I sense that people have lost all hope. Let us pray."

The two men knelt down and prayed. One turned towards Mecca because he was a Muslim, and the other put his hands together in prayer because he was a Catholic. They each prayed to their own God, who has always been the same God, even though people insist on calling him by different names.

The following day, when the missionary went for his usual morning walk, the man was no longer there. In the place where he used to embrace the earth, the sand seemed wet, for a small spring had started bubbling up there. In the months that followed, the spring grew, and the inhabitants of the city built a well there.

The Bedouin call the place 'The Well of the Desert's Tears'. They say that anyone who drinks from its waters will find a way of transforming the reason for his suffering into the reason for his joy, and will end up finding his true destiny.

by P/a/u/l /o C//oe/l/ho

Happy birthday to me

2006-10-07T21:49:00.000+08:00

It was my birthday on the 3rd (tuesday). Since it's a weekday, since it's Ramadan, all I did was nothing. I don't usually celebrate my birthday anyway. I feel it's a day to reflect over the past year, meet up a few close friends, enjoy a nice quiet night and a chat then go home a sleep because the next day is no different from any other days.

So this time it was quieter because I couldn't meet up anyone for lunch. I stayed in school giving the students extra lessons as their exams were on thursday. Then I dropped by the russian restaurant to meet up with the russians and I received flowers. Tradition. Haha... I just called to say I'm dropping by, which I do ever so often. It was surprising they had flowers and kisses awaiting my arrival. It's sweet they remembered it. We just sat and chatted while I waited for maghrib. I broke my fast with porridge, my friend got me from the Masjid Sultan nearby.

Then I walked down Arab St to meet a good friend I haven't met in months at the arabic 'cafe'. We had a nice quiet chat and Fazrul joined us after his classes. I took the cab home because I didn't want to walk around with flowers. If you didn't know, I am not really a 'girly' girl. It's a bit embarrassing. Haha... Also, I was tired. I reached home by midnight, washed up, and read a little before I slept. The next few weeks will be a trying time for me. Right now, I have got to mark the geography paper for the whole level. Insyaallah I can do it by tuesday.

Next in line: exams.

Since I cannot get off from school during the Eid period, I doubt I can make it up north, guys. I have to go through the examination papers with the students in that period. =(

I pray that I have the strength to run this final leg of the race. I'll be officially unemployed with paths to pave come 20th Dec. Insyaallah I can make it.

To all of you, I apologise for being so out of touch. I try with the little time I have.

God bless.

:-)

Sorry I'm so emo

2006-09-21T17:11:00.000+08:00

I thought of happy things to input in this entry, but I couldn't think of any. I'm not feeling well, I'm experiencing a burnout. I feel emo, I feel empty. Everything has happened so fast, I'm still trying to make heads and tails out of it.

I thought I have only recently started teaching, but guess what people, I've already completed teaching the syllabus and the examinations are next week! I cannot even tell you how I have felt appreciated, yet how I have had my heart broken by these 14 year olds.

I have definitely been distracted. I feel that whatever that has happened recently, it was as though I was floating off my feet. Swaying here and there, not feeling the impact of walking. How can I relieve the moments with my feet flat on the ground? Would it have made any difference? What if I had used my brain to determine my actions instead of my heart?

I should've savoured every waking moments. At least, I could remember everything... Now all I can do is just close my eyes and imagine. What doesn't break us, makes us stronger.

Well, Ramadhan is just round the corner so I have to get myself settled nicely. Ramadhan always helps with disciplining myself. Preparing the students for exams, marking exam papers, preparing for my exams, completing my assignments, more of my exams, dissertation, then what? Await what the future has in store for me.

God, please give me the strength to soldier on.

To all of you, I do not mention your names... but I think of you, and may God Bless.

Especially you.

:-)

Happy fasting to you all.

Yet again

2006-09-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

Ok everyone...

long day
=> distracted
=> absent-minded
=> realised phone lost 1 hour after being at home!

phone lacking useful specs
=> delayed/ difficult backing up

subs long day,
=> lost everything

Kindly sms me your contacts, everyone. Email me, whatever... Can post me a phone as well. Ahaha... Ok, back to hurrying my assignment now.

Take care, you all...
I've not forgotten you.
=?

Latest

2006-08-06T14:41:00.000+08:00

Whoa, it's been a month since I updated the blog! So here's the latest. I have been teaching at a secondary school the past week and probably the next weeks to come. It is sudden and yes, I may be a science student but I can teach geography.

Anyway, it is tiring and all, especially when you have to reach the school by 0715h to attend the flag raising ceremony then teach half the day, prepare lessons the other half of the day then rush for my classes in the evening. I reach home after midnight lor! But know what? I just wanna push myself and test my limits as this time is very trying, being my final semester, and teaching teenagers is patience and endurance's nightmare! Yes, I wanna test my own values. A bit selfish but hey, my 280 students will gain from it as well. :-P Insyaallah. I also wanna be more regimental using this as an external force. I pray I am above all these tests I set myself.

So wish me luck. =)

So when you see me updating the blog after 0200h (weekdays), you know that I'm starting to flout my current rules. Meaning, I'm starting to lose steam. Haha...

By the way, I don't intend to pursue teaching as a career.

To all of you, have a great day and great whatever. Hope to communicate soon. Diarna doesn't forget anyone ;-)

Gonna say something touching, but you know, although you barely see me or hear from me, really, I do not forget all of you. I'm not one of saccharine words, even my hair is standing as I said it. But I meant it. So all the best in whatever is going on right now.

Love,
diarna

For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield

Dang!

2006-07-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

The whole day... I had an idea what to input into the blog, mentally composing throughout the day. However, right now, after signing in, I've forgotten completely! It feels like I've entered the examination hall, when I've crammed everything into this tiny brain of mine, then smile as I read the questions followed by my jaw dropping as I hold my pen to write. A complete blank! Believe it or not.

So, as I idle, my body fidgeting while staring into this create entry screen, my fingers tap-a-tapping on the keyboard... I'm wondering, still... trying to recall what was that issue I had wanted to share.

20mins later

Argghhh... This is frustrating. It was something about human nature which I observe in my past time. Anyway, did you all know that I am not Singaporean? And that day, chatting with Finaz online, she mentioned that she thought I couldn't speak Malay! Ha? Saya boleh la... Walaupun slow sikit, saya faham dan boleh berbual melayu. Slow sebab tak biasa. Sama juga dengan mandarin, dan russian. Tapi kalau nak marah dalam bahasa lain selain daripada inggeris, ia sungguh susah. Sebab ni semua tak diajar di sekolah. Dan saya seorang yang sabar. Okey, saya tahu bahawa seksyen ini perlu diedit.

Watch how I've digressed. Will write again when I'm inspired.

Paulo Coelho is my current favourite author. Read, people... Read!

Why? Why? Why?

2006-06-10T04:42:00.000+08:00

You keep visiting but you don't say a word. Why am I so bothered by the silence? Has technology really gotten to us that with machines, we can take a peek without leaving a mark. Of course it is detectable (which is why I know you visited), but the point is that, without humanly contact, you have lost the obligation to say "Hi, how have you been?". Ok, maybe obligation is too big a word. But how about courtesy? I'm not hinting on rudeness but I mean, well... a "hi" is just nice. It's just like sending over a smile, communicating over a certain degree of concern, conveying regards. Especially when you're cut off from a certain circle, the least you'd hope for is that you're not forgotten.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe deep inside, I seek attention. Maybe, I just feel neglected so I'm infecting others with my concern. Funny how you are happy with the people around you yet you feel so alone. Strange how you feel so unloved when you sit in bed late at night thinking what to do the next day, with no plans, you pick up a book... then you hunger, followed by snacking... disgust sets in at the amount of junk you stuff in your face at 4am, so you play some slow music to put you to sleep and then you wonder if anyone had thought of you in the day, and you think about the people you care for. You look out the window and observe the flats... it's all dark except a few lighted ones. Is everyone really asleep preparing themselves for the next day, day after day? How can they do that? Are they loved? Do they love?

Well, love itself is a word with many meanings... similar to that unmentionable gauche F-word. I love god. I love family. I love to observe. I love to be loved. I love nature. I love Shadow, my cat. I love my boots. I love to procrastinate. I love to read a good book. I love music. I love the fact that we are all differentiated individuals. I love to learn. I love sleeping. I love the life cycle because it regulates life. I love it when I don't watch tv. I love my friends. I love the feel of satin on my skin. I love myself for waking up in the morning to go to the gym. I love to be acknowledged. I love to experiment in the kitchen. I love to love. I love. I can love. Yet, I cannot say I love myself. Why is it always difficult to love yourself? Do I set myself too high standards? Or am I not trying hard enough? They say, we should be thankful for what we're born with. For example, I am not nurtured to procrastinate and laze. But it is also my nature. Thus, should I be thankful for it? No right? haha... I'm starting to derail by the way. Flow of thought, that is.

I don't know why there are always issues with me. (Or within me) There's always a battle between my head and heart. It's always like that, isn't it? Anyway, this entry has no point. I cannot write anymore because it is 5am. I am wide awake yet I'm so tired my back hurts. Sometimes I wish I could sleep and sleep. So, I've put the beef on the stove, making stock for the soup I want to cook tomorrow. After I log off, I'll write a list of ingredients for mummy to buy. And read to sleep. Or end up listening to children songs and reminisce to sleep.

I don't know why but I love life, yet I'm losing the confidence to live. How will you interpret that?

C'est la vie?

It really feels good to write sometimes...

2006-06-01T05:24:00.000+08:00

1) Click to open.
2) Mouse over image.
3) Enlarge to read.

Just in case some of you can't enlarge or something,
1) Right click and save the images.
2) You can then open it and ZOOM.

Hehe... who am I kidding?!

Meow

2006-05-28T05:09:00.000+08:00

Aren't cats the cutest things?!!!

Everybody now say "Awww...."

Obviously I was taking a breather when I chanced upon this clip. Looks like it's becoming a habit to post clips! People, tell me if it's really slow loading my page cos it loads almost instantaneously on my pc, so I don't really know.

Right now, I'm eating those Osborne crackers which Tokbang brought with laxpastej (salmon paste). Yumminess. Haha...

I will update slowly on what's been going on. On 6th May, my secondary school best friend got married! It was a simple affair so I didn't manage to meet other secondary schoolmates as there was this other girl besides myself. I met her family after so many years and they still recognised me although according to them, I "makin lawar". Hehe... Paisey... I replied casually, "skarang dah pandai pakai make-up!" Ahaha... Funny. Sometimes I say the silliest things that are unexpected. It really takes it out of the moment. Am I embarrassed? Sometimes, although there are times it alleviates sticky situations. Then again, I smile/laugh when I'm nervous, or when I don't know what to say. Well, at least it shows that I can take a jab at myself. Is this good? I know I risk being labelled a "bimbo". (But you all know I'm not one, right? Right?!!) Haha...

P/S: My jendul very wide eh? When I was in primary school, there were a few boys who teased me about my wide forehead... Because of them, I have become conscious of it cos look! It's even wider than Fazrul's lor... Wider than all my friends (no matter the race or gender). To look for me in pictures ah, just look for the sheen! Haha... Actually, not that funny ok. Luckily I "jambu". Ack! Ahahaha...

Disclaimer: This entry was posted at 0540h after a night of studying. Some whackiness is normal.

Same old, same old

2006-05-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone... It's abt 0100h here and I'm taking a break before hitting the books. Tok Kamil, Tok Bang and Tok Ti are asleep and they're leaving tomorrow. They came to visit a makam and attend an event at a mosque here. Ok, gonna shower, brew coffee and study. Then this time, I won't miss them when they leave in the morning... which I did, the last time they were here. I sleep like the dead when I sleep... (choy choy choy!) haha...

Ok then, anticipate my return!

P/S: Someone really took the effort to make a real-life The Simpsons' opening clip!!! Semangat eh?

MSG

2006-04-22T05:34:00.000+08:00

To all you old school out there!

Those who don't know, not monosodium glumate ah... aka ajinomoto.
It's the Michael Schenker Group.

Woohoo.

Marilah kita berdansa!

2006-04-19T04:32:00.000+08:00

Is "dansa" really "dance" in malay? Haha... I'm not sure. It sounded strange as the voice read aloud the title as I typed. Well, as usual I'm gonna say I have lots of assignment to do but I'm happy cos I managed to squeeze in some reading! I just read The Amber Room and it was quite good. So now I'm really happy and should return to researching as soon as I finish this entry.

It's been raining the past few days so I've indulged in sleeping reading sleeping reading. How perfect. :-P Now I've gotta sleep research sleep research mug mug mug sleep sleep and stare at the pc with MS Word on. Haha... When I sleep, I can s.. l..e..e..p... but when I read, I r...e....a.....d..... so you can imagine when I study, I have so many textbooks plus notes... call me greedy. ~_^ Or is "kiasu" the word?! Haha... Likewise, when I have a sudden inspiration, no matter what time of the day, I can cook for hours! Then I end up cooking enough for 10 portions which will be eaten by only me and if lucky, Fazrul will try to finish everything. I doubt it's because it's not nice but really, no one in this house eats (home-cook).

I tell you, in this busy country, everyone is too used to eating out and eating fast. To sit at home and eat is but an indulgence. Which is why I miss cooking cos I still have yet to cook! Back to the busy-ness. People here love acting busy, looking busy, being busy. It's like when I say, I'm busy, it's like "wah... she's busy..." or "sorry to trouble you". Haha... funny cos I myself have been saying that I'm busy in the past few entries. Y'know, when you say you're busy, it's like this big reason (excuse) not to justify your absence (or MIA in any aspect). You reckon?

To all Singaporeans and busy people alike, when you walk as though you're in a marathon, please remember you're not in one and the people around you aren't your competitors, so don't "tsk" or frown. You inflict upon others that negativity. Smile instead. (If smiling would make you seem scary, then smile with your eyes). I don't care if you can walk faster to overtake me so you can tap your EZlink card at the gantry 8 seconds faster. Really, as fast as you all can walk, you only manage to shave off 10mins max, depending on distance. So please let (whichever mode of public transport) passangers alight before you do and when you do, I hope you're in the queue and not trying to squeeze in! It's so unfair to gracious people like me, squeaking "excuse me" as I wait in line and get pushed to the back or worse, under someone's armpits. Ok, I'm not playing victim but as timid as I am, I try stand my upright posture (thank the genes for broad shoulders) and do my "stare in bewilderment" to such abhorent ungraciousness hoping for some breathing space. Otherwise, I run my hands through my long curly hair and somehow, that scares people off. There's this kampung notion that long curly hair is a hot spot for kutu. Not that anyone mentions it but you can see it in everyone's reaction and no, it does not stink la. For the record, I love my long hair and I want it longer! Look at how I've deviated to condescend the lack of grace in this society!

What I wanted to say though, was, why is everyone always rushing? You rush to gain 5-10mins for what? Why not not rush, and take in the environment. See how the trees lining the pavement is doing. It's the flowering season now, did you notice that? See how the grass is doing. Is it as dry and yellow as it was last month? See how clean the pavement really is. Have we taken cleanliness for granted? See how the people in front of you are rushing. Do you really need to rush? You know, if you're in heels and your pants are getting tighter, the rushing could be pretty unflattering from the back. :-P So walk at a moderate pace for decency (and vanity). You tone your muscles better (especially if you walk long distances). Check out the clouds overhead. Do you see any nimbus (rain) clouds? Seek the silver lining in the sky and let that make your day. There's so much more to life than rushing off to busy-ness, really. Please switch off that TV and read the newspaper with a cuppa instead. Is there too much propaganda in print? How are our neighbours doing? How is our environment coping? What has degenerated? What has improved? ... ... ... Aren't we so lucky? :-) Thank Him.

So please, don't forget to hug the tree and thank it. Just think of a reason to thank it. There's so much to thank it for =)

For those who need a laugh at senseless behaviour ataupun mahu belajar berdansa style yang amatlah cool, click here

Yawn... long entry ahead!

2006-04-08T04:58:00.000+08:00

Hasn't it been extremely quiet lately? I've been busy with school and I've lots of homework, assignments, projects and recently just finished my exams. But that is not over because come May, I have more exams!!! Ain't life interesting? I haven't even whipped something up in the kitchen cos I'd rather sleep now, instead of experimenting in the kitchen. The things I cook, I gotta go to certain shops to get herbs and ingredients... and I think now you know why I've been MIA in the kitchen. I miss cooking. Really.

I've been pondering a lot over many (I mean M-A-N-Y) things... quite unconsciously though. I cannot say what because my mind right now is like a sand dune. In the day, it's skewed to one side, and other times, it blows over to another... sometimes it plateau-s. And the elemental factor would be the wind, and the quality of the sand. Anyway, like I said, I cannot point a finger to the condition of my mind because every time I try to grab a handful of sand to examine, it just flows right through my fingers... Know what I mean? But if I were to contain a bottle of it, I would be restricted within the bottle. Like nature, it has to harmonise with every particle, every other elements... Meaning, you cannot take away a part of something. It becomes empty, or somewhat useless, because you know that if your hand were to be taken away for examination (assuming we can be assembled like the mannequin), you will not function fully because you need that hand. Ok, I know... you're not understanding me, ya? It's alright... We're not meant to be understood, really. We're all meant to be appreciated because I can teach everyone something and so can everyone, unto me. It's all about the harmony, isn't it? Well, ain't life suppose to be an opportunity to appreciate the beauty of creation?

Give yourself a few seconds to look up into the sky (beware staring into the sun unless you have on approved UV protection shades), and see the colours, the contours, and imagine how high up it is, how easy it is to understand the cloud formation, how easy it is for the eye to perceive a star like a tiny diamond, how close the moon looks... And then smile. =) A broad one. And think about how uneven the world is, how imperfect and asymmetrical it can be... That is beauty. Likewise, don't kill that poor ant on the table. Instead, watch it, observe its pattern of movement, check out its segmented body, what colour is it, try to look it in the eye... Observe the grass... the green sheen in sunlight, as a patch of green. Lean closer and observe the grass blades. Compare the sizes. Do you notice the fine hairs surrounding each blade? Do you notice its pattern of growth? I'm not talking about superficial beauty. I can look beautiful with make up, and plain without it. That, in itself is beauty. How we humans are so smart to be able to manipulate elements to our advantage, yet we are at the mercy of it all... ((I'm beginning to be incoherent now cos look at the time of my entry!)) Oh well, even right now as I stare into the computer, I wonder how amazing technology is. As far as I can comprehend, I can see what I see because of light (think photons) and the image being projected through the retina into the core of my brain, deciphering the image I perceive. As complicated as it sounds, it is so simple, so perfect, so logical... Yet how? Why?

Aren't we so lucky? Do I sound depressed? My heart tells me I'm not but I feel like my brain is trying to burst through my skull. Maybe I need lobotomy. No, I'm not that stressed from studying. I must say I can handle stress pretty well. =P Think I worry too much? Urrm... I don't think so... I don't know. To a certain extent definitely cos I wouldn't have input this entry otherwise. If you remember my previous entry, I mentioned I have voices 1)narrating my actions, 2)analysing my behaviour, 3)analysing everything else and 4)asking questions. There might be more but if I don't hear it right now, maybe I'm able to control it somehow. The one that drives me up the wall sometimes is voice number 4. It asks me questions ranging from stupidly lame ones to those (probably) unanswerable. Am I weird? I mean really... am I that W-E-I-R-D? See, I just input that cos voice #4 just called me weird. I know for sure I'm not bordering on crazy because I have control over myself, yet I have to learn to control my mind. I've always dreamt winning some recognition award for asking a question so obvious that nobody ever thought of it. Yes, I yearn for an eureka moment. Who doesn't?

Oh man... I think I need to try sleep now. My head is starting to throb. Anyway, to alleviate geram-ness at my previous two questions, the answers are:

1) You cannot end a sentence with "because" because "because" is a conjunction.
Heh... didn't see it coming did you? There might be a couple more variations and the key point is the function of the word "because". (Correct me if I'm wrong)

2) This one I'm not really sure. It varies, really... more like wordplay. My answer is SILENCE because silence is deafening. If you know more proverbs and idioms, you can manipulate it around. Some people say it's the VESSEL because the emptiest vessel makes the loudest noise. I think this answer like tak kena a bit.

To all my relatives (actually only you guys know this address), have a good weekend and learn a new thing each day!
The Elders: Take good care of health. Cut down the lemak and add some vroom to the fitness level.
Tok Kamil: About the dioxins... We have produced so many synthetic chemicals and even consume it! When we go fill up petrol, the fumes enter our system and stays there. It cannot be eliminated as well. Until the day we think we've produced everything and lived on it, another cycle will come in to reclaim that which we have 'cheated' on. Then we start finding excuses and reasons. We start being afraid and conscious. But really... can we truly go back the organic way then? (Do you think I'm bring naive and ignorant having said that?)
Kak Tessa: Thought you're coming down here end March. Then tak call me out sey... =P If you're coming, you know who have insights... Haha...
Lyna: Get well soon.
Kak Long: Have fun taking care of baby Nabil.
Finaz: Have fun in Muar.
Hairi: How's your cooking coming along?
Those still in school: Don't study too hard... just study smart can already. Haha...
To everyone I didn't mention: Don't forget to miss me. Haha... How cheesy is that?!
Me: Don't let the brain engulf me.

Everyone: Please hug that tree and thank it for the oxygen it has contributed to sustain us all! Do not try though, if it's crawling with kerengga! Peace :-)

it's time to squeeze the brain

2006-03-15T14:45:00.000+08:00

Sorry I've been away for so long. For those of you who anticipate my entries, I apologise. I've been busy studying for my exams. I've got 4 papers next week and I have to submit my dissertation intro by this Friday. Wish me luck, pray for me, God help me. Why? My 4 papers next week are management modules!!! *Gasp* I hate it a lot because I cannot write and write and tell stories about how this company employed this and succeeded yet another company failed. I can't wait for my 2 science papers in May, only because I CAN study science. Frankly, I doubt I'll pass with a good honours because my management modules' results are horrendously mediocre. Even the 'A's I earn for science cannot compensate for a better average.

Anyhoo, congrats to Nazira and Shahril. I hope Nabil will not turn out like you, Shahril... Hehe... I think everyone is keeping their fingers crossed! At least you're good looking. (Happy now?) =)

Ok, till I post my next entry, I've got a question for everyone. Please think, alright? You MUST attempt to answer this question:

"Construct a sentence using the word 'because' 3 times consecutively."
Example: ... ... ... because because because... ...

This is no trick question, by the way.

One more question: What makes the loudest noise without making any sound?

p/s: Kak Tessa, you might know the answer so please don't spoil it in my comment box ok? Hehe... If you somehow don't know the sentence and probably dying for the answer, email me ;)

Yet again

2006-02-20T03:01:00.000+08:00

Today, well yesterday, I woke up at 3am again! I couldn't return to sleep so I studied, had breakfast, cooked and then it was 7am, I read the newspapers. I dozed off in the afternoon because I was reading in bed.

In the evening, my migraine came on again. So I just popped a couple of Ibuprofen cos I didn't want to drink coffee in case I can't sleep. Yeah, ask me what time it is now!! Anyway, I don't know if the painkiller worked because I was in good company and I had a nice lemon milkshake so I guess I forgot about the pain.

What's up with me whining the whole week? Well, I'm having some problems with prospective issues. I'm not sleepless because it bugs me 24/7. I don't even think about it. It's just there, haunting me. I don't search for it. It lurks and will remain a parasite till my consciousness drain out. Fine, I exaggerate.

Thanks to Kak Tessa and Kak Long for the tips on the previous entry. Of course the best is to shut yourself in a dark room and try to sleep but what if you have work to do? What if you have school? What if you cannot sleep? Which is probably why it was bad for me cos the more I try to relax and sleep, the more I cannot sleep. Wicked. I even take warm milk with honey but they just make my tummy feel queasy (although it's slurping good).

Worry not everyone. I will go for yoga tomorrow to destress. That is, if I can sleep within the next half an hour.

What's my muse?

2006-02-17T05:38:00.000+08:00

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things.
Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.
You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it.
You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle.

You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Everything is right except for the math part. I can do math but I don't like it. Those numbers and formulae don't make sense. How many formulae/theories which you learnt in school have you managed to apply in life? Only the most basic trigo and algebra... some statistics too. That's about it, unless your profession demands some mathematical calculations for dimensions.

Beware: Turbulent emotions ahead!

I'm awake at this time cos I woke up at 3am! Elinn was making some noise and I woke up, having slept barely 2 hours. I've been sleeping early and I wake up way too early. I tossed and turned in bed in the dark for over an hour and succumbed to this damned wakefulness. Is that a word? I have a splitting headache, probably due to not having enough sleep this whole week. I've been sleeping 3 hours per day on average this week! Have you noticed the number of exclamation marks I've used?! There I go again.

I have an extremely big problem (possibly) to muse on. Hence the lack of sleep? I don't know. I'm not even sure if I should type it out here. However, I do not know how to tackle it. And this whole week, I've had dark, puffy eyes from the lack of sleep. Maybe I'm overreacting. I do not know. But I'm seething with discontentment. I hate negativity. It's the only hate I have for in the world. All I want to do is sleep like a baby. Ok, like a cat. I just want to sleep... a lot. I'm very tired. Yet I can't sleep. Everyone thinks I sleep a lot just because I wake up late. But in reality, I do not sleep well. When I sleep long hours, it's cos I didn't sleep the previous night! Also, I hate morning sun.

I just had coffee to 'relax' this migraine of mine (and stay sane the rest of the day). Looks like it's starting to act up again (it has been a year!!!). I prefer taking coffee for migraines than to take those pills. They make you horribly nauseous. Well, it never worked for me anyway. Of all ailments I dislike are nauseousness, migraine and constipation/diarrhoea. Nauseousness and constipation/diarrhoea because they make my stomach feel horribly funky and it feels like toxins are flowing through my system and it makes me weak and double up in bed. Migraine because it impedes my thinking (or make me think of everything at one time, like many voices in my head) and my head throbs... also along with migraine comes nauseousness... and I'm like a vampire, meaning I cannot be near bright light. And my eyes cannot focus properly and smells like perfume and rubbish makes me super giddy. That's why I want to sleep. I dread sunrise. Sure, some of you will say that I have not seen the rest of it! True.

I think I made my coffee too strong cos I'm starting to grind my teeth and clench my jaw. I hate migraines. The nauseousness is already kicking in. I wanted to go for the yoga class at 7am later but with my mind in torrential weather, it will make yoga redundant. Along with the lack of sleep, I don't want to pass out midday.

You know, I'm afraid I might have schizophrenia (or some other mental disorder). I mean, I don't have split personalities. Just that everything I do, there's always a voice narration, and sometimes, there's another voice arguing over some logic or stupidity. It drives me crazy. It doesn't happen all the time but when there are so many voices, I just clench my jaw tight and try to ignore it. The voices don't tell me to commit vices so it's not the satan right? It's crazy cos even as I type right now, a voice is narrating what I'm doing and typing while another is reprimanding me for my inept usage of grammar and vocab. This is the voice that reminded me there's too many "!" and "and".There's another voice telling me to scream. It's chaotic in this head of mind. It's throbbing and I really dread the impending sunrise.

Right now, my head and nose is swooning in pain because mummy is leaving for work and the smell of perfume and soap is so painful! I hope Alann will not use the adidas deodorant which is so strong it hits my nasal passage, forking into my head and stomach. Ok, he did. Chanel perfume + adidas deo is already making me cringe in pain, clenching my jaw. This is why I never use perfume. I always scold Fazrul for using perfume whenever he brings breakfast before going to school. The bugger just loves perfume. Even after 6 years, it's so difficult to comprehend that my nasal passage is extremely sensitive in the mornings. I mean, use perfume to school for what? It's not for me cos I don't appreciate perfume. Most young men stink anyway. Especially when their school is on a hill...

I'm really trying to stay sane, which I usually am anyway. Although lack of sleep + migraine + nausea + voices in my head + long day might make me cranky by midday.

You have been forewarned. (But really, I'm not that mean... and no, it's not a mood swing.)

Apparently I have nothing better to do...

2006-02-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're

strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.

Don't forget though, no matter how manly you

think you are, you're still just a doll. God

Bless America.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Is it that obvious that I'm "manly" or "guy-ish"? Cos I'm in girly clothes most of the time... with boots. Damn weird... The more quizzes I do, the more I picture myself as a transvestite! Wait... I'm not so sensitip. Ok la.

For girls with broadband and nothing to do...
You might enjoy these clowns. Somehow, the guy in the background seem oblivious to the ruckus going on. It's idiotic, really.
Guys, if you have high tolerance capacity, you may click. Hehe...

Quizzes for the fairer gender

2006-02-12T00:46:00.000+08:00

Your Are a Bold Brunette

Men see you as striking and mysterious - you have a certain allure.
Comfortable in your own skin, you know you have a unique beauty.
You don't mind attention, but you don't need to seek it out.

How Blonde Are You?

Although sometimes, we are empowered to "behave blonde" and it helps. Like you never have to carry those heavy groceries and chip a fingernail!

You're a Window Shopper!

You know that shopping's a blast, but you prefer to save your money
You hardly ever give into an impulse buy, unless it's a total steal
You've always got the most money of your friends - and you never have to borrow
And you've got a nice wardrobe too ... of classic pieces that last years!

Are You a Shopaholic?

Probably cos I'm unemployed! Haha... Although sales make me feel afraid of women.

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets.
Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

How Girlie Are You?

I am somewhat a "guy" in mind. Don't know about tomboy though...

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style...
But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him.
Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often.
No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Good to be independent right. Dear are you suffering or what? No right...

You Have Him Totally Hooked

Your guy is all yours - and happily so.
He loves being around you, and he totally sees you as a couple.
It looks like you two have a great future together - if you want it!

Do You Have Him Hooked?

I must say it's somehow true. Don't know how I did it. Girls, there's no secrets.

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be
If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that...
Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close
You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!

How Long Will Your Relationship Last?

Errm... Can we trust these quizzes? Cos they all seem so true! I mean it and it's freaky.

Thoughts

2006-02-11T03:45:00.000+08:00

This week has been filled with regular blog postings.

Last night (morning), I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to play a game on my hp in case it got my brain excited so I did something dull by scrolling through my contacts and deleting obsolete contacts. When it came to T,
Tasha
Tok Ayah
Tok Bang
Tok Ti

Tok Ayah. Instinctively, in the mode that I was in, I was about to delete it. Then... A weird realisation fell upon my conscience. I couldn't bring myself to. It was like wiping out the trace of a material existence. I was overcome by confusion and sadness... and reality. No doubt, the number will no longer be in use.

I thought about the house, the one incentive to look forward to when I'm northbound. Then I thought about how often I have used that contact, that is, calling that number. I thought about the person, my hp contact, with that number. Tok Ayah.

I still don't refer to them as arwah or the late. Is this wrong?

It's really difficult putting my thoughts into words right now. If I delete, it's like the contact disappears into oblivion. And if I don't, it will constantly bug my conscience. It seems so wrong. Somewhat a taboo.

Maybe it bugs my conscience because I have less memories of him compared to everyone else. Yet I hold on to my hp contact, Tok Ayah, to remind me that he was material and that I connected to him. Maybe technology really creates more problems for us. Not one of difficulty but of ethics. Then again, I digress as always.

I did not delete this precious contact.

If Klang is no more, where do I go? There's no more a place, by default. It makes me feel so lost.

By the way, I took Tok Ayah's scented (something like minyak attar) tasbir home. Call it the subconscious or the spiritual, but my room was filled with that scent when I got home today. Of course it's unusual as it hangs on the shelf above my bed.

My mind is turbulent with mixed feelings right now and even with 3 hours of sleep last night (this morning), I still cannot sleep now which is why I decided to blog.

I hate to be so emo but this is actually something serious. Someone tell me I'm not going mad. It's overwhelming.

P/S: Somehow, a few of us have current entries on Tok Ayah, and mine is purely coincidental.

Apologies

2006-02-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

My sidebar is becoming packed with links I feel worthy to have a stand. It feels like I am beginning to seem like an activist of sorts and I should change my wallpaper filled with psychedelic peace symbols! Maybe I will... when I know how. I'm quite IT-challenged, if it isn't obvious yet.

Apologies to all if my sidebar links are causing any discomfort. I'm not preaching anything. I just want to share stuff that people usually take for granted.

I still cannot remember the song! Anyone from the hippie era, please enlighten me.

Yes, I've got Jefferson Airplane on my playlist now.

Disclaimer: Don't worry. As weird as I seem, as queer as to why I do not really conform, I am not crazed (or glazed, if you're that worried). Wait, is this disclaimer weird or what?

I can't remember!

2006-02-08T06:17:00.000+08:00

The past 2 weeks, I have been listening to radio (Gold 90fm - mostly oldies). Why? Because I suddenly forgot the song that sang about the dying trees... I do not know if Gold 90fm plays it but I'm just hoping they'll miraculously play it and refresh my memory.

I do not like to forget.

Especially if they were things which could've made a difference.
I hope.

I'm a sucker for quizzes

2006-02-08T03:14:00.000+08:00

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!
by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS!

Take the Book Quiz

I do not know about being able to inspire faith or even being an agent of higher powers. Hopefully the reason is that I am still too young => An obvious sign is that I work in "mysterious" ways (talk about shameless) though I'm doubtful about the "loud" part. So do I think this quiz holds truth?

You be the judge!

You are the driest area on Earth. Your annual rainfall is roughly the depth of a dollar bill. In fact, often you can go for several years without any precipitation whatsoever. If you wanted to fill a pint glass by rainfall alone, you would have to have started in 1704, five years before the invention of the piano; to get enough water to drown a man of average height would take 3600 years, or the time between us and the Hittites. You really put Canadian "dry" ginger ale into perspective.

Which Extremity of the World Are You?

Likely.

Dream Theater

2006-01-31T02:36:00.000+08:00

Dream Theater was so good... They rocked the stadium down. Unfortunately (or fortunately), security were everywhere, by every gate. A bunch of malaysians (with flags) started headbanging by the railing. They couldn't have injured anyone but they were all out. And the police came and tried to stop them and everything... It's a rock concert! Anyways, the police just stood around watching over the malaysians like a hawk. As for everyone else, photography of anykind were not allowed. Some people took out their handphones and in the darkness, security can see it. They pop out of nowhere with their torchlights telling you to keep it. And other security start pushing you away telling not to block the path. What path? Anyhow, Dream Theater's performance made up for all the uptightness of the management.

In general, the crowd was pretty tame. Everyone stood up and held the hands up in the air singing along, while a handful (gently) headbanged. There was no moshing or any of the actions you see on MTV. No fights. Nothing. Everyone was just there to watch Dream Theater. After 20 years in the industry, it was a treat. One for the treasure box.

Reunion dinner?

2006-01-30T16:34:00.000+08:00

Saturday night I prepared some mega steamboat at home... By that, meaning scallops, fish, and everything else la, bought by my mom, prepared by me. We were so full, we could barely move.

Then last night, we had a buffet dinner at Royal Plaza on Scotts with my family and my aunt's family. We probably sat for 2 hours!!! We rested in between with chocolate fondue with coffee, and continued again and again. Oh heart be still! I know... as shocking as it may sound, we (or probably just me) overate! And I had to go back my mrt and walk...

And later, my family is going for seafood dinner at Clarke Quay. Again?!!! I told my mom, we can always cancel the reservation. But I'm already imagining dipping my fried mantou bun in the tangy chilli crab sauce... *drools*

There you go! Have a good holiday. I gotta rush getting ready now. Chilli crab is awaiting ;-)

P/S: Chocolate fondue...
Fruit pieces on a stick
Marshmallows on a stick
Warm dark chocolate fountain

Oh, alright...

2006-01-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

Hello hello...

Ok, so I have succumbed... Lyna convinced me to resurrect my blog and here it is. Unknown to you, I can be boring. It's really kinda weird knowing your elders read it! Plus, I have to watch my language... Ahaha... not that I'm a vulgar person to begin with.

If you look through my archives and read right from the beginning (which has been almost 2yrs) you'll realise that I can be incessantly incoherent. Might make reading easier but understanding difficult. Well, don't try to understand. My brain works in strange ways that I can't always catch up with it. Of course, I'm not saying I'm some genius (or the other opposite extreme). Just that the human body is one of the wondrous creations that as deep as science delves, it's almost impossible to comprehend its character.

Ok, my mesin now is quite karat (with respect to blogging and other things maybe). For starters, I have no breaking news except that come 27th (this Friday), I'm going for the 20th anniversary tour concert of Dream Theater! I am so excited!!! Somehow, excitement makes me hungry. And just thinking about being excited, I'm hungry right now. I know, it's weird. But I think, it's possibly due to the fact that excitement stimulates the secretion of adrenaline and adrenaline makes your heart, lungs and muscle work harder to prepare for fight or flight. This expands energy (probably miniscule in calorie counts) and somehow or rather, certain centres in the brain demand compensation such as food and rest. As weird as it sounds, I just theorised something which may pass off as a fact, and I'm not saying I'm wrong. Just that based on what I've studied, it might be true!

There you go, this entry ends with something incoherent as I've forewarned.

Long hairs unite!

2004-12-03T04:14:00.000+08:00

Ok, what's the problem with having long hair? I've had to bear many stupid questions (to which my answer is) :

Isn't it hot/warm? (No, if it's hot, I can bun it up and it's cooler)
How long have you been keeping it? (Ever since I said "no" to the hairdresser)
Don't you want short hair? (Sometimes, but it's like that, isn't it? Don't you wish you had long hair?)
How do you wash it? (Normal la... Shampoo and condition)
Don't you think you'll cut your hair? (Nope, but I trim it myself thank you.)
How can you stand having long hair? (What do you mean? Act confused.)
Your hair like pontianak! (Smile and say "Ya, I'm really after your blood" and laugh)

And what doesn't help me with all the questions is that I have curly/wavy/frizzy hair rolled in one...

Don't you want straight hair? (Yes, but why are ppl perming their hair these days?)
Are you going to rebond? (Not unless someone can pay $300 monthly maintenance for me)
Isn't it itchy/scratchy? (Offer my head and say "touch". It's really fluffy like cotton!)
How do you manage it? (Leave-in conditioner to protect and non-alcohol mousse to 'lock' the curls)
Aren't you going to cut it? (And let me look like scary spice?! No thank you.)
Don't you get split-ends? (Err, nope. No matter how bushy it looks, I cannot find a split-end. I condition and trim my ends.)
Doesn't it get tangled? (No. All I have to do is wet my hair with my hands and run it with my finger and am ready to go. I look the same before I go to bed and when I get up!)

I think there could me many sincere and dumb questions and I do envy straight hair... and short hair. Because I have thin hair, it helps that I would never go for straightening unless I want to look like I'm balding! And long hair gives me a certain empowerment that I cannot put a finger to. Everyone around me especially my parents want me to cut it... It is sad that people think I don't look good in it, or hate long hair and there are certain discriminations against curly hair. People are afraid or disgusted as though I'm some Medussa.

Before you ask me dumb questions, ask to touch my hair and then you judge. Long, curly hair isn't as scary as that of a pontianak's, really. Well, maybe mine isn't as bad as people (have influenced me to) think. And to think I almost attempted to cut it short!

So I'm guilty of contemplating on snipping it up to above my shoulders. Then I couldn't bear to so I had it more bold-layered instead, from my chin to the length (which is now above my waist). I usually keep it slightly below the navel (longest length, not layered length). I have also cut my fringe to lighten off my hairline load and being the nincompoop that I am, I straightened it. But being the dumbass of a hairdresser, she layered my fringe to above my brows! And then I remembered why I never visit the hairdresser.

Now, I look like a little girl with a Jap hairstyle of long, layered perm and short chinadoll fringe. It is disastrous (to me). The consolation is, at least people pay hundreds to have my hairdo and I only paid $50 to straighten my fringe and trim/layer my length!

The worst question people ask me is

Where did you perm you hair? (It's natural, I only iron my fringe once a while)
Real curl ar? Cannot be leh... ( Smile.)
But your hair look so unhealthy and dry... (Work the science. Curly=rough surface=>disperse light in all directions = not glossy like straight, black hair)

Hair ettiquette for men

If it's winter, and you're heling her put on a coat, you might help her by lifting her hair up gently, before she puts the coat on. Another way would be to gently wind her hair around her neck loosely like a scarf, and she puts her coat on over that. You don't want her to get her long hair caught under her coat, or have to sit on it.

If you are helping her into a car, you might help by gently picking her hair up and bringing it around to her front, so she can keep control of it. You don't want to shut her hair in the car door.

Be careful in crowds, because people will come right up and start touching her hair; if one of these people has a cigarette in their hand and they aren't paying attention..you know what might happen. So you have to be more attentive when you are in a crowd.

If you are walking down stairs together, if her hair is kneelength or longer, you might want to walk behind her, as her hair might drag on the steps behind her, and someone might come up and inadvertently step on it..painful.

If you go dancing, you should put your arm under hair, not over it.

If you are buying any clothing for them, you might want to consider getting something that will enable her to wear her hair down..fabrics like rayon, satin, silks, anything that allows her hair to slide on the fabric and not catch. It will keep it from tangling when it is down, and is much more comfortable, and you will like the way it flows and swirls more easily against this kind of fabric.

The same goes for nightwear. It's best if she wears something like this if you plan on combing/brushing her hair....I'm really on a roll, and I'm going to tell you how to do this, as well.

First, you have to be very careful, women are very protective of their hair, the longer it is, the more careful they have to be.

If the hair is longer than mid-back, I would suggest you use a wide toothed comb instead of a hairbrush. Otherwise you might tangle it.

You could have her sitting in a chair without a back, and you could stand or kneel behind her to brush or comb it. Yo should put one hand on the top of her head to steady her head as you gently pull the comb through. You might use short strokes, not going all the way through to her nape at first. It will be easier to straighten her hair that way, Or you might even have her comb her hair out first.

Another way would be for her to bend her head forward and you comb or brush her hair starting at the nape and going forward from there. It pulls less on the scalp, and you're not combing the more tender areas of the temple.

Another way , if her hair wasn't too long, would be for her to be standing or sitting in a chair facing you, and you let her rest her forehead on your chest, and you can comb her hair that way. That might be the best.

If you decide to carry her off into the sunset, yo shuld first bring her hair over her shoulder to her front, before you pick her up. Anything that causes her hair to get "caught" will really make her anxious.

Bed linens should be satin if she is wearing her hair down.

If she sees you treating her hair reverently, she will like you all the more, as she considers her hair a part of herself and you are honoring her when you do these things.

This etiquette was provided by Suzy, herself having floor length hair.

Tokmak

2004-11-07T01:52:00.000+08:00

Recently, my granny just passed away. It was in the middle of the night when she was in bed and told my granddad that she felt breathless. He massaged her and she left the world like that. I'd like to see it as leaving peacefully, with your loved one by your side, painlessly. Almost ten years ago, my great-grandmother passed away. She was bedridden for 2 years before her passing.

May God bless their souls. Al-fatihah.

I didn't cry, although I was sad. As I watched my aunts cry while my granddad looked calm, I teared because I wondered how he can keep it all to himself. He is such a strong man.

The last time I went over was last Nov, for Lyna's wedding. During my visit this time, I realised how much I missed the charm of Malaysia. It is so laid back, even in kl... except for the traffic! Then again, I know it is not the place for me anytime soon... Maybe it isn't the country that I miss... but my family there.

Mindless?

2004-11-03T01:47:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty much mindless these days... and am enjoying it. I'm making fruity meringue kisses, eating choc-mint brussels, chocolate crepes, watching ngc and discovery, reorganising my wardrobe according to colours... that's right. I've got colours now (think butterflies!) Ahaha... And god knows what I've been surfing online instead of my schoolwork! But come next week, I'll be on the bullet train to my exams. Did I say prepare for my exams? ~_^

Time to get mindless again. I've got a couple of weeks left!
Ahaha... (increase vol - soft recording)

Halloween not.

2004-10-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

It's Halloween tomorrow and I'm not even excited about dressing up. Signs that I'm aging too fast?! I remember how Halloween found me the support of my life. He was there looking so dark and mysterious. I just had to ask him for the last dance. How many years has it been? Sometimes college seems like yesterday. And so the story began. I don't even have to beat about the bush singing

where do I begin?
to tell the story of how great alove can be...
the sweet love story that is older than the sea... ... ...

I usually do away with the mushy stuff. What is love then? Definitely not all the goosebumps-inducing acts. It's more subtle than surprises, gifts, words and poems. It's not about the obvious actions. Women tend to overlook the little things men do and usually try to find a fault to "make him a better man for her". I guess I do that sometimes. And I'm not really guilty of it!

The different Languages of Love.

Service is a Language of Love.
Gifting is a Language of Love.
Sharing is a Language of Love.
Time is a Language of Love.
Sex is a Language of Love.
Attention is a Language of Love.
Patience is a Language of Love.
Support is a Language of Love.
Forgiveness is a Language of Love.
Non-Judgment is a Language of Love.
Understanding is a Language of Love.
Mercy is a Language of Love.
Compassion is a Language of Love

Of course, love doesn't mean that tingly happy feeling with a partner. It applies to everything and everyone. Love the nature around you and don't neglect or abuse it. Love the greens for giving you your essential minerals and fibre, and being the lungs of the earth (not when ingested of course). It is an intrinsic thing to love the nature.

Click here!

2004-10-27T01:48:00.000+08:00

Click and read carefully

I found this site by googling "weapons of mass destruction"...
Now, I should get back to googling FTIR stuff for my pharmaceutical analysis report. Discipline, focus, focus! Right... I ended up putting in 3 blog entries and before I start crapping again, I'm outta here. Fade, Nina... now you know why I was MIA so long?

Sissy ol' me.

2004-10-27T01:19:00.000+08:00

How much I've grown... Well, physically, not much :-( unless you call fats growth, which scientifically, isn't. An increase in protoplasm, ie. protein, would be considered growth. Accumulation of physical weight due to water, carbo and fats is pretty much expansion. Ok, that's besides the point.

I am starting to lose my men-mind... or maybe gaining more women-mind! First of all, I bought a pretty black satin dress adorned with colourful butterfly prints. Lately, my collection of pink items have increased 3 folds. I wear my heeled boots, not the rugged ones. I straighten my fringe to look prissy and gone are the days with the rugged rock hairstyle... Although I haven't fallen into manicures and pedicures (mainly because I cook and do stuff with my hands which ruin the edges and stain the cuticles). I adorn myself with accessories. I wear less kohl to tone down my old "goth" look. I carry bags on my forearm to distribute the weight. I am staring to wear face powder. I start to nag my guy friends once in a while.

Yikes.

Ok, maybe I am a little off the scale than I used to be. At least I still listen to only rock, classical, blues and some jazz. At least my guy friends still think I'm one of them. At least I still read espionage thrillers and have not read a single romance novel (unless you consider the Rice's Vampire Chronicle romance!). Haha... sounds like an identity crisis or sort of a coming-of-age entry. Yes, I'm in denial! Fine, I admit I like pink except that I would rather be caught dead in it. I guess it's time to embrace the pinkies and the butterflies (shudder). It's like men's ego I tell you. To be critical of things pink, sissy and un-rock. For the ladies, I now have something to fight for when my guy friends tease me for wearing pink and flowers. It is not funny. Pink is a nice, like Pink Floyd and I'd like to Shine On You Crazy Diamond cos it's the Sunshine of Your Love. It's really like Nights in White Satin when the Sultans of Swing sing Proud Mary who isn't Down on the Corner of China Grove. I'm like a Free Bird on a Magic Carpet Ride. Who says I'm on a Highway to Hell when this Purple Haze is great?

See, I still rawk!

P/S: Purple, black and maroon are still my favourite colours, especially in that combination... not the lilac kinda purple though. However I'm collecting more whites and beige. Damn, do I sound ditsy? Do I? Do I?!!! See, only women can pull this off ;-)

Daddy's little girl...

2004-10-27T01:07:00.000+08:00

You're the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You're daddy's little girl, to have and to hold...

Bedazzled

2004-10-22T03:38:00.000+08:00

So today I've started wearing my new rock! A yellow sapphire set in a ring I designed. I think it's quite nice and simple and I know what to hand down to my future descendants... Haha... In addition to the 8 carat African amethyst pendant. The colour and the clarity cannot be compared to diamonds.

Goodness, I'm only a student and I speak of such riches... Oh well, for one, the amethyst and the yellow sapphire are my "birth stones" and I only got them for my recent birthday. I believe it brings harmony to the body with the surroundings. It's natural after all... I guess, belief is something people hold on to, to assure themselves that something will be right.

I feel after the long break from blogging, I have yet to get used to writing things spontaneously cos now, my mind is filled with so many things, I don't even know what to write about!

I've been keeping my mind free of issues lately and probably I find myself at peace (more than usual) since I pray more often in this holy month. There were a few periods in my life when I thought I was going to die. There was also a period when I didn't care if I died. Now, I hold on to life so firmly I get stressed if my cab starts tailgating motorcyclists. The last thing I want is for someone to get hurt because of me.

One thing I believe truly is that things happen for a reason. I reckon God has a lot in store for all of us. If life is always fair, would any of us have anything to talk about?

Whoa...

2004-10-17T03:11:00.000+08:00

My last entry was on 7th June. And even now, I'm too lazy to blog. It's been a long time. Anyway, whatever happened to all the comments?!!

I like purple. Like my new African amethyst pendant! Thanks to Fazrul for getting it for me for my birthday. I just realised that I'm actually quite old when my sisters friends asked me what I was studying and what I wanna be when I grow up.

"When I grow up?!"

It struck me that I have grown up. I'm now 23... and still studying due to my "pursuing interest and flexibility". Ok, I did work a while. That's the reason I was missing over 3 months. It was horrible working and studying together. That's like burning the candle on both ends. Burnt I was. I faced mental exhaustion, sleep depravation, skin aggravation... ok, maybe I'm exaggerating.

Now I'm recovering back my shine and I spend my free time reading, sleeping and cooking. I must've been a cat in my past life. But hey, at least I keep the grey matter working cos my reading materials are the newspaper and the Discover magazine. Of course, I occasionally spruce it up with textbooks... :'(

Heck, I even have time to trim my nails these days. One thing I haven't gotten around to doing is hitting the ivories. Blog-wise, I may be back. I have nothing worthy to write these days anyway. I might be an occasional blogger. Wasn't I one? Ok, I'm gonna be a full moon blogger.

By the way, it's that time of the year when I have to observe fast. I just had pancakes with maple. :-) It better last the whole day!!

2004-05-23T02:07:00.000+08:00

The sun in spring makes me smile, not the sun in a tropical country. Anyway, in the background is the cathedral, part of the Jakob Monastery compound. Very historic, very old, very lovely. Need I say more?

2004-05-23T02:04:00.000+08:00

I miss this a lot... In the background is the lake Nero. This was taken in a town in the golden circle, outside Moscow. Isn't it so wonderful? I still dream of Russia.

2004-05-22T02:28:00.000+08:00

Yes, Nina... u're right. I've no idea why I'm putting this one up. It's during my cousin, Lyna's nikah. It was held in a surau. This one's a winner... hhaha... Do I look like a minah kampung?

2004-05-22T02:24:00.000+08:00

I can finally do this! Have I introduced Fazrul to u? He's been supportive for the past 5 yrs. I know... mushy stuff... Ahhaha... He'll get a shock seeing his face if he ever visits this site!

Strapped

2004-05-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

Cash-strapped, that is, I am... I need to find a part-time job so I won't ask my parents for money to spend on nansince! I don't like asking them for extra money... I am a poor student :-( If anyone is willing to donate, do leave a message! Wishful thinking huh?

Over the weekend, I had my below-the-waist long tress snipped to above the waist. It's so light and fluffy feeling. I cut my fringe too! But because I have stupid curly hair, I straightened my fringe :-) I think it doesn't look too bad. Nina, I have finally found the way to cover this forehead of mine. Hahah... I sound stupid.

On a more intellectual note, I felt clever during my laboratory session on cell biology today. On a disgusting note, I ate a whole tube of Oreos. :-( I know. Pls puke it out for me. On an impulsive note, I bought a bunch of comics! It cost me half my allowance. On an adventurous note, I'm reading Andy McNab's Crisis Four. What is the summary of the day?

Aargghhh...

2004-05-15T02:59:00.000+08:00

I haven't been so angry in a long time. I'm now feeling anger burning in me. I'm not sure why though. I just feel angry.

Sigh...

2004-05-14T00:59:00.000+08:00

This whole week, I've been trying to adjust my template and it's beautiful... except that everytime I edit it on blogger, the image screws up :-( It doesn't appear at all... So I cannot use that new template of mine. It's frustrating cos I put in so much time to figure it out. (I learnt html years ago when internet was getting a boost, it's quite complicated now) Oh well, back to my boring stories.

If u're interested in the Singapore history, or wished Singapore is called N***k (pardon my vulgarity, quite an apalling word), u should read this entry. It's written by a local writer.

I have been watching the American Idol on and off and today, the 2 black women are in the bottom two. Is it a racist poll or more like a righteous one, where a black shouldn't be the American Idol?

Speaking of which, the pictures televised on the news channels, spread out in the papers now and then is sickening. I'm talking about the Iraqi abuse and lately, the decapitated American. When I say sickening, of course I meant sick to the stomach but also of the mass broadcast of the news. It's as though both sides are gaining sympathy, in a way... kinda pathetic, and sadistic. Whatever it is, neither sides are correct (morally, that is). Was it Ghandi that said that nonviolence is more difficult than fighting with weapons? (I'm not sure what exactly he said though) Maybe both sides are cowardly and unsure of what they want so they can play hide and seek or cat and mouse, instead of discussing peacefully. Of course, easier said than done. I studied history (at GCSE) and observed that those who don't compromise, fight. What we should not do is to generalise all Americans are dumbasses and all Arabs (specifically Muslims) as terrorists. That is very wrong. It is dumb to generalise. As it is, not all Americans supported the 'war against terror'. And of course, not all Arabs wield smuggled kalashnikovs or have an intrinsic desire to explode *solid matter from within. It's a dumb world. Oops... I shouldn't generalise the world as dumb as well!

*matter (science): all particles eg. humans, building, trains

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

2004-05-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

I got this in my email. Funny how ppl my age are forwarding such stuff. Maybe the youth are taking their future seriously after all... Who knows? What do u think abt this? Is this analytical man making such a big fuss over marriage or is the bottomline, "we shouldn't get married"?

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).

Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.

What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life -bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

How can you test? Here are some suggestions.

1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".

"So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"

Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.

By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".

Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?

Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.

Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!

There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.

There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.

Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Asian parents?

2004-05-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

In response to Nina's East meets West entry, I've decided to write some things abt my parents... My dad studied in UK for his tertiary education and also for a few yrs of elementary. As for my mom, she studied up till her Masters, here at home. My dad, a trained mechanical engineer and my mom, a trained surgical nurse.

Since young, they ruled with iron fists, except nobody got beaten. I never had a choice over what to do... From learning music to chinese to choosing schools etc. I hated everything of course. Oh, I couldn't choose what to eat as well!! I was such a deprived child over sweets and soft drinks. My sis, a yr younger, on the other hand had more things than I did. And everytime we fought, I got blamed. (btw, she represented Singapore for taekwondo in the previous Commonwealth games) U could tell u always got it worse.

Fast fwd: present
U could imagine tt I rebelled and all and duh, I did. I even failed my college exams on purpose tt I had to repeat my 1st yr. U see, I was always doing well in school and the better I did, the more demanding they became. So I failed it all to lower their expectations of me. Unfortunately, I got perpetually grounded ever since. I always couldn't go out as and when I liked and came up with excuses. Although I rebelled a lot, I was terrified of them. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Believe me u, my mother can be quite the devil with words.

Then I met my current bf in college (it's been >4yrs now) and him, being a paki, has worse parents. Boy or not, no difference. I thought my mother was the devil. His is 100 times worse. At least now I have my freedom and he doesn't have his yet. See, he has 3 other brothers and I guess his parents treat them like treasures. What irks me sometimes is why he never rebels or retaliates. But he has been instilled the very traditional values of respect for the elders and not to fight back. I guess it's good in a way (so I know when I don't meet him, he's either in school or helping clean the house). He hates his values but he loves it at the same time. I guess tt's what most Asians are confused abt.

Anyway, now I'm way past my juvenility (if tt's even a word) and I am pretty much matured now. Still, my mom treats me like I'm a stupid 12y/o. If anything is wrong, it's always me. In addition to my sis, I now have a brother raging with puberty hormones. So he's no more the little angel who listens to me. My parents get through to my sis through me. I am like the bridge linking this ice-block family. She is a boyish, rebellious girl who thinks she's stronger than men, and never listens to anyone. It's irritating.

Anyhow, although we speak only English at home and don't eat with our fingers, we're still pretty much the asian family, and a much more liberal one.

Is this my most long-winded entry ever or what?! I know it didn't really flow out well... just bits and pieces.

domesticatedness?

2004-04-28T03:58:00.000+08:00

I went grocery shopping today, came home and cooked sliced beef wanton noodles accompanied with wanton soup. Then I took abt 3 hours scrubbing the kitchen cos I had the urge to clean and disinfect. The kitchen is now bright and white! And I have a backache now :-( I really need to start exercising regularly again. That is my boring day.

I'm in bed wit a backache now and craving for chocs. I had a bar of snickers that I ate half and forgot to keep it in the fridge. When I wanted to eat it just now, it had ants!!! I know it's sad. It was the only chocolate available in the house and I was desperate and still am desperate. I threw it away of course. That is all that happened in my boring day. After the exams, I feel clueless... it's my term break anyway. Will be starting my new term next week! Human anatomy and physiology, cell and molecular biology and pharmaceutical chemistry modules this coming term.

I'm not even sure if domesticatedness is a word...

Summertime... and the loving is easy?!!

2004-04-27T01:46:00.000+08:00

How long ago has it been since I blogged? Pretty long. Nothing much has happened during that long study period. Warm, humid, city Singapore air is not polluted but it is bad enough for me. Oh how I miss the crisp cool air of spring... or even that of autumn's. :-( Being in the tropics isn't that all fun and sunny. Trust me, the sun and the humidity is intolerable. Excuse me for being prissy. Ahaha...

I don't know how thick is the ozone layer above this region but one thing evident is the pigmentation that I'm getting on my shoulders, arms and legs. Not to mention the face... I don't get 'cute pigmentation' in the form of freckles. I'm not that fair as in caucasian-fair and not as 'yellow' as the chinese so I'm more reddish (though pinkish would make me sound adorable). Anyway, these little pigmentations will grow big and brown as I get older but to slab on the sunscreen on my body in this humid weather, I'll be greasy by the time I step out of the house, oil-free or not!

I wonder how the weather will affect my future. Will I remain in this tropical region or will I migrate somewhere nice? Europe is a nice place but I can't figure out where exactly yet. I prefer Italy to France though. I doubt I'd stay in Moscow although I still dream of Russia. It's way too tough there. Then again, maybe NZ or Australia... except that these countries have been flocked by asians already. Oh well, I'm still a healthy 22 going on 23 and have yet to earn a proper paycheck. We'll see about that later. Just need to explore more excuses to travel.

P/S: When I say I get pigmentations, they're like teeny-weeny reddish-brown dots on my arms and shoulder, and the face. But it's not as though I'm covered by red ants or something. I'm not that blotchy yet! Ahaha... Vanity.

atisha!-atisha! we all fall down...

2004-03-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

Have I mentioned that I absolutely love nursery rhymes? Whoever Mother Goose was, I wish I'm in that soothingly rocking cradle... even if it's on the treetop, or on the cow that jumped over the moon. I guess I'm in that phase when reality actually hit smack centre on my wide forehead (which can actually mean I've a larger surface area of grey matter = more info storing cells = pandai) Ok, back to reality... science is a big interest of my life... and so are many things. But to juggle it all... I always get hit on the head by the one I fail to catch. I don't even know what I'm talking about except that everything is metaphorical and scientific.

I'm pretty sure I want a career in science cos that's what I can imagine dedicating my time to. Although I like cooking, I've never considered that as a career. So, I'm pursuing science... and it's interesting... but science in theory can be the worst thing ever cos how do u put it into words... I mean phrase it all in English?! How do u actually write an essay on mechanisms that only takes a few equations to explain? See, I haven't actually reached that stage of 'reporting'. I like English but when u have to translate science into English, it's absolutely horrific to me.

Comes to the point that if I were to pursue a career in science, this is what I'd actually have to do. Ok, it's not that bad compared to doing accounts or something. So yes... it is making me braindead. I don't even know if it's just me or the whole thing sucks. I can safely say that I'm not an 'under-average' student. Maybe I'm just sorta complacent. Or maybe I just want my bad cough to disappear. Maybe the coffee I just made is too diluted...

Oh well... let's not think about work at the moment. I miss freedom. Of the mind, I meant. At the moment, I can't of anything but work work work. Is it just this country or what? Although there aren't only S'poreans in my class, it seems like everyone seems all out to kick each others' asses, S'porean or not. Maybe my course is demanding in a way. Using both sides of the brain, scientific and not.

I miss running around in spring, basking in sunlight. Here, I dread the sun so much. It's scorching hot and it makes u feel yucky and sticky and icky and it's pigmenting my fair skin. :-P Ahaha... I swear my forehead is like the darkest part of my body. ~_^ Ok, it doesn't look as bad as it sounds though. I just wanna blog (rant) and not go back to my research. I just wanna hold on to times when ur only worry is not getting that pair of shoe ur size, or even when scraped knees were the painfullest ever. Lucky for me, I have the most understanding and loving guy loving me blindly. He would bring me coffee and bagels for breakfast on his way to school. I guess this is it for now.

P/S Nina: Nice dress
P/S Fade: Ur combination is really a greek salad!
P/S myself: How do I post a pic? Ahaha... Complete ur damn essays then think abt other stuff!

Seriously, I have to be strict with myself sometimes...

How do I begin... to tell the story of how great a love can be?

2004-02-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

I am on the verge of insanity. I'm so so tired these days cos I'm so busy yet my school work is piling up. Well, the work might just be 2 essays but the research I gotta do... Oh mine god. I'm almost getting cross-eyed from all the reading I've done. And my PC's gonna go for repair tomorrow and man oh man... I'm gonna have a ball of a time hand writing 2 experimental reports and 2 freaking essays. Have I mentioned the ease of surfing for resources online is gonna be striked out too? Well, I like hand writing stuff and I love books... even the smell of 'em but when reports are breathing down ur neck, it is highly nerve-wrecking. Please don't say that I'm doing my work last minute which is why I'm freaking out. I've been doing the research the past wk already and I have barely 2 weeks for each and when they all have the same dateline, meaning 4 different researches for 4 different reports... ok, I'm regurgitating my words. Anyway, I've got a few days left. Wish me luck.

I still love science.

(mumble mumble)

2004-02-23T13:14:00.000+08:00

I woke up with a throat so sore I couldn't speak. Even swallowing my saliva hurts. I'm muted today. Once again, I've another report due (which I have almost every week) so busy-busy. I'm now eating semolina milk pudding which I made last night. Its coolness and smoothness is so soothing to my throat but I'm currently craving for real food, although it's gonna be a torture to eat. Anyway, S'pore hasn't been hit by the bird flu but they have begun culling the chickens due to a 'preventive measure'. How cruel is that?! Well, of course it shows that they prioritise the people's health before economic benefits. Then again, I guess they're showing off to the WHO. Singapore is such a kiasu country. Did u know that we have the first driverless commuter trains to run? I wonder how much losses they are actually making due to the manpower and computers to manage the train (although they have done away with drivers). Oh no... my econs is haunting me obviously. Ok, it's a long-run thingy.

Speaking of which, remember Stalin had those '5-yr plans' and '10-yr plans'? The 7 Stalinist gothic buildings were built on these plans. They stand wonderfully haunting in the skies. It really is hauntingly beautiful although that castle in Prague would beat it hands down. Beauty oh beauty, where for art thou? Certainly not where I am, if ye haft not already known. Ok, I'm not a literary loving person, not arty-farty. I'm more like uhmm... ok, shan't waste ur time. I can't think of anything to describe myself except that I'm kinda mute at the moment. Hope to be return with a bang ;-)

PS: I didn't even do literature at my GCE 'O' levels.

Yawn

2004-02-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

I am so tired today. I didn't even do anything remotely tiring! On my way to class today, I had to go through a horribly selfish society of train commuters. The passengers didn't wait for others to alight but just rushed in. I had to wait for 2 trains before I could squeeze in. I bet anyone could get away with molesting in the train. It's really tiring and disheartening having all these ungracious people around u. I was worrying for 2 ladies who wanted to squeeze in but they couldn't and they just stood at the door! Talk abt being stupid. I was commenting to my bf then tt those girls are gonna get themselves snapped! This is the Singapore MRT for u, no matter how frequent the train comes.

There are abt 4 million ppl in this tiny island and they are expecting up to 6 million in the future! Can u imagine that? We are already living on top of each other and inconsiderate people gets on ur nerves. With 6 million people, the probability of bumping into more ungracious, inconsiderate people is absolutely maddeningly higher. As it is, we pay half a million dollars (S'pore) for a tiny house with 3 bedrooms, 1 study and a hall. I think in the future, we'll have to pay that much to live in a hell hole. Maybe I should move back to M'sia. ~_^

Then again, not. At least not for now. When the society there are obviously liberated, I might consider. Anyway, back to me. I had clam chowder for dinner and after that, I had 2 naans with peas! The night is still young and I'm already batting my eyelids at my PC. I better try to get as much rest as I can so I will not fall asleep in tomorrow's econs lecture. It's complete torture.

To Fade, I'll talk abt my science interest soon.
To Nina, I wonder if u ever get tired of ur ever-interesting life.

Spakoini nochi.

The Sound of Music

2004-02-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

My interest in music has not wavered since I started paying decent attention to it. It's all abt the emotions emanating from the very "song" itself. What genre am I talking abt?

CLASSICAL - the beautiful melodies and powerful voice of the tenor... u can picture a scene with every tune of it...
Likes Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and Pathetique, Mendelssohn, Mozart, Vivaldi, Strauss, Puccini's Nessun Dorma, etc.

ROCK - mainly classic rock with the original blues elements... and some hair metal rock... and also, "gothic" melodic.
Likes Led Zepp, Uriah Heep, CCR, Blue Oyster Cult, ACDC, KISS, Deep Purple, Bob Seger, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pink Floyd, ZZ Top, REO Speedwagon, Cream, MSG, Whitesnake, Dream Theatre, Def Leppard, Marilyn Manson(old albums), Cradle of Filth, Rob Zombie, etc.

BLUES and some JAZZ. New Orlean's Jazz where blues became as it is and that cabaret jazz, mmm...

(CLASSICS) - some really really old songs way back from the '40s... like Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Astrud Gliberto, Andy Williams, etc.

Now u get the gist of my 'blaring' music.

When I was 4y/o, I was already thrown into Yamaha for those electone courses. Then I learnt the piano till grade 3 and the organ till grade 9. Of course including the sucky theory. I really hated it then... only after I managed to quit, did I regret doing so. Apart from that, my dad taught me how to play the violin which I so sucked at. I got a cousin to teach me the guitar once a while and after I can play it, I'll forget it a week later *bummer! Then again, anyone with a musical background can pluck out tunes... slowly... yes... slowly. I joined the band during the first 3 mths in college just to "master" the flute. I think I may have forgotten the fingerings... I'm not sure. Oh well... I occasionally play the piano now. Errm... I only play classical. Most of the scores I have are sonatas. And yes, my almost 20y/o Petrof may not be out of tune yet but it desperately needs servicing and polishing. I would love a baby grand though despite my lagging left hand! Such materials...

Saturated

2004-02-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

Monounsaturated, polyunsaturated or good old saturated butter? As u can see, my brain is over-saturated that I cannot even think straight at the moment. I've finally completed my lab report that required me to do so much reading I feel numb at the moment. This is horrible. At times like this, when I was back in Moscow, I'd be playing tavli (backgammon) with my greek friends over and over, over a glass (sometimes a couple) of frappe.

I don't read mags at all. They make me feel cheap, ugly and fat. How disgusting is that? Although I did subscribe to Discover but it burnt a hole in my pocket...

This brings me to another point. No one seem to put my looks to a race. In Russia, some thought I was Russian, Japanese, Thai, Chinese or Vietnamese. Back at home, no one can really tell what I am. Well, my ID card states Malay cos ur race follows ur dad's race and since my dad's followed my granddad's... I'm Malay. Whatever happened to the women?! So if my paternal great-grandmom is Dutch, maternal grandmom is Chinese-Javanese and maternal granddad is Javanese, does that make me, Malay/Javanese/Dutch/Chinese? What's all these racial classification anyway? It sucks. Everytime someone asks me what I am (referring to my race), I say, a citizen of the world.

Busy-ness a disease?

2004-02-17T03:07:00.000+08:00

Thank god I don't have this disease though at times like this, when reports and assignments are due, I wish I had that disease... I guess I'm too lazy. At the moment, I'm rushing for my lab report on some microbiology experiments. I guess I'll be busy busy (and u ask, whatta hell am I doing here?!). Oh well... just in case u'd wonder what I'll be up to, in the next few days. Studies are starting to creep up on me. I've been sitting on my laurels too much. Not that I'm doing badly or something... but I just find myself incapable of studying economics! My microbiology and chemistry modules are going smoothly and I just lurrrve science. ;-) Econs is driving me mad though. Nothing registers in my head class after class :-S That's right. I'm stupidoto when it comes to management. Be it my time management or my management modules. Ok, my boiling hot coffee has cooled down now. Don't miss me.

Moscow water park collapses

2004-02-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's really a wondrous country... Russia. As they say, great things come to an end. However, this is a country that never quits... with the babushkas selling all they can from kittens to lemons from their summer farm, just to make ends meet. It breaks my heart so, seeing all these grumpy tiny old women so independent yet willing to pour their hearts out, when prompted. The promise of the communist regime, that every man will be taken care of, worked for these people and how they suffer now, because they never really exercised laissez faire in supporting themselves.

Anyway, Russia is one country that really inspires and amazes me. It really isn't the 'backward-drunken-communist' country that many think. It is the biggest country after all and of course, the government is deemed corrupted. Still, I believe they have the motherland's interest at heart. There isn't any Russian who isn't proud to be one. They went through a lot to be what they are now, cultivating a unique culture.

How many Stalinist-gothic buildings have put u in awe? And the domes of the cathedrals glimmering gold (which is actually copper I believe), and the unique structure of each kremlin... the Byzantine frescoes covering the walls up to the ceiling. It's really amazing, this country pious at heart, suffering at state, and notorious in its image. How many times have we been told not to judge a book by its cover? Look beyond the 'outlook' and u'll really see what's beautiful. Ya lyublyu Rossiya!

My condolences to the families of victims of crashes, bombings, collapses and any other mishaps that's not meant to be. It could've been me.

First time...

2004-02-15T02:47:00.000+08:00

Reminds me when I first had to do lab reports... or the first time being in a foreign country all alone. Then again, how many 'first times' do we keep close to our hearts? Definitely not this first blog. It's pretty insignificant, me thinks. Anyway, be prepared to read incoherent ramblings and inconsistent incantations. I'm no writer and I guess the only reason why I'm in this is because I feel the urge to torture others reading my 'blogs'. Nah, I'm kidding... really.

Anyway, it was vee day today and while I was out nearby, I'm glad I didn't see excited skinny girls with flowers and balloons brimming with joy and miserable looking i'm-macho guys who thought they scored a 100 points today. No, I'm really not sore about lovey-dovey-kissy-dizzy couples. Maybe I see Valentine's as an establishment, out to set the lonely hearts on fire and the loved-ly hearts on desire. I'm not done. Well, yes, the 'market' benefits from extorting the poor boys buying overpriced chocs and flowers and dinners. As for the girls... hmmm... probably, they don't have much to lose unless they're still deflowered before dinner. What else? Couples in love get to 'be in love' on vee day and quarreling couples get to be nice to each other? There's still much more I can criticize but to each his own. I'd rather donate the money to charity than to spend more money on chocs just because they come in pretty pink and gold boxes. Oh well, that's me for u today, the first time. I am (happily) attached by the way.

Note: It's not like I'm drunk or under the effect of other substances. It's 0300h and I just watched WWE. How disgusting is that?