Yawn... long entry ahead!

Hasn't it been extremely quiet lately? I've been busy with school and I've lots of homework, assignments, projects and recently just finished my exams. But that is not over because come May, I have more exams!!! Ain't life interesting? I haven't even whipped something up in the kitchen cos I'd rather sleep now, instead of experimenting in the kitchen. The things I cook, I gotta go to certain shops to get herbs and ingredients... and I think now you know why I've been MIA in the kitchen. I miss cooking. Really.

I've been pondering a lot over many (I mean M-A-N-Y) things... quite unconsciously though. I cannot say what because my mind right now is like a sand dune. In the day, it's skewed to one side, and other times, it blows over to another... sometimes it plateau-s. And the elemental factor would be the wind, and the quality of the sand. Anyway, like I said, I cannot point a finger to the condition of my mind because every time I try to grab a handful of sand to examine, it just flows right through my fingers... Know what I mean? But if I were to contain a bottle of it, I would be restricted within the bottle. Like nature, it has to harmonise with every particle, every other elements... Meaning, you cannot take away a part of something. It becomes empty, or somewhat useless, because you know that if your hand were to be taken away for examination (assuming we can be assembled like the mannequin), you will not function fully because you need that hand. Ok, I know... you're not understanding me, ya? It's alright... We're not meant to be understood, really. We're all meant to be appreciated because I can teach everyone something and so can everyone, unto me. It's all about the harmony, isn't it? Well, ain't life suppose to be an opportunity to appreciate the beauty of creation?

Give yourself a few seconds to look up into the sky (beware staring into the sun unless you have on approved UV protection shades), and see the colours, the contours, and imagine how high up it is, how easy it is to understand the cloud formation, how easy it is for the eye to perceive a star like a tiny diamond, how close the moon looks... And then smile. =) A broad one. And think about how uneven the world is, how imperfect and asymmetrical it can be... That is beauty. Likewise, don't kill that poor ant on the table. Instead, watch it, observe its pattern of movement, check out its segmented body, what colour is it, try to look it in the eye... Observe the grass... the green sheen in sunlight, as a patch of green. Lean closer and observe the grass blades. Compare the sizes. Do you notice the fine hairs surrounding each blade? Do you notice its pattern of growth? I'm not talking about superficial beauty. I can look beautiful with make up, and plain without it. That, in itself is beauty. How we humans are so smart to be able to manipulate elements to our advantage, yet we are at the mercy of it all... ((I'm beginning to be incoherent now cos look at the time of my entry!)) Oh well, even right now as I stare into the computer, I wonder how amazing technology is. As far as I can comprehend, I can see what I see because of light (think photons) and the image being projected through the retina into the core of my brain, deciphering the image I perceive. As complicated as it sounds, it is so simple, so perfect, so logical... Yet how? Why?

Aren't we so lucky? Do I sound depressed? My heart tells me I'm not but I feel like my brain is trying to burst through my skull. Maybe I need lobotomy. No, I'm not that stressed from studying. I must say I can handle stress pretty well. =P Think I worry too much? Urrm... I don't think so... I don't know. To a certain extent definitely cos I wouldn't have input this entry otherwise. If you remember my previous entry, I mentioned I have voices 1)narrating my actions, 2)analysing my behaviour, 3)analysing everything else and 4)asking questions. There might be more but if I don't hear it right now, maybe I'm able to control it somehow. The one that drives me up the wall sometimes is voice number 4. It asks me questions ranging from stupidly lame ones to those (probably) unanswerable. Am I weird? I mean really... am I that W-E-I-R-D? See, I just input that cos voice #4 just called me weird. I know for sure I'm not bordering on crazy because I have control over myself, yet I have to learn to control my mind. I've always dreamt winning some recognition award for asking a question so obvious that nobody ever thought of it. Yes, I yearn for an eureka moment. Who doesn't?

Oh man... I think I need to try sleep now. My head is starting to throb. Anyway, to alleviate geram-ness at my previous two questions, the answers are:

1) You cannot end a sentence with "because" because "because" is a conjunction.
Heh... didn't see it coming did you? There might be a couple more variations and the key point is the function of the word "because". (Correct me if I'm wrong)

2) This one I'm not really sure. It varies, really... more like wordplay. My answer is SILENCE because silence is deafening. If you know more proverbs and idioms, you can manipulate it around. Some people say it's the VESSEL because the emptiest vessel makes the loudest noise. I think this answer like tak kena a bit.

To all my relatives (actually only you guys know this address), have a good weekend and learn a new thing each day!
The Elders: Take good care of health. Cut down the lemak and add some vroom to the fitness level.
Tok Kamil: About the dioxins... We have produced so many synthetic chemicals and even consume it! When we go fill up petrol, the fumes enter our system and stays there. It cannot be eliminated as well. Until the day we think we've produced everything and lived on it, another cycle will come in to reclaim that which we have 'cheated' on. Then we start finding excuses and reasons. We start being afraid and conscious. But really... can we truly go back the organic way then? (Do you think I'm bring naive and ignorant having said that?)
Kak Tessa: Thought you're coming down here end March. Then tak call me out sey... =P If you're coming, you know who have insights... Haha...
Lyna: Get well soon.
Kak Long: Have fun taking care of baby Nabil.
Finaz: Have fun in Muar.
Hairi: How's your cooking coming along?
Those still in school: Don't study too hard... just study smart can already. Haha...
To everyone I didn't mention: Don't forget to miss me. Haha... How cheesy is that?!
Me: Don't let the brain engulf me.

Everyone: Please hug that tree and thank it for the oxygen it has contributed to sustain us all! Do not try though, if it's crawling with kerengga! Peace :-)