The sun in spring makes me smile, not the sun in a tropical country. Anyway, in the background is the cathedral, part of the Jakob Monastery compound. Very historic, very old, very lovely. Need I say more? 

I miss this a lot... In the background is the lake Nero. This was taken in a town in the golden circle, outside Moscow. Isn't it so wonderful? I still dream of Russia. 

Yes, Nina... u're right. I've no idea why I'm putting this one up. It's during my cousin, Lyna's nikah. It was held in a surau. This one's a winner... hhaha... Do I look like a minah kampung?

I can finally do this! Have I introduced Fazrul to u? He's been supportive for the past 5 yrs. I know... mushy stuff... Ahhaha... He'll get a shock seeing his face if he ever visits this site!

Strapped

Cash-strapped, that is, I am... I need to find a part-time job so I won't ask my parents for money to spend on nansince! I don't like asking them for extra money... I am a poor student :-( If anyone is willing to donate, do leave a message! Wishful thinking huh?

Over the weekend, I had my below-the-waist long tress snipped to above the waist. It's so light and fluffy feeling. I cut my fringe too! But because I have stupid curly hair, I straightened my fringe :-) I think it doesn't look too bad. Nina, I have finally found the way to cover this forehead of mine. Hahah... I sound stupid.

On a more intellectual note, I felt clever during my laboratory session on cell biology today. On a disgusting note, I ate a whole tube of Oreos. :-( I know. Pls puke it out for me. On an impulsive note, I bought a bunch of comics! It cost me half my allowance. On an adventurous note, I'm reading Andy McNab's Crisis Four. What is the summary of the day?

Aargghhh...

I haven't been so angry in a long time. I'm now feeling anger burning in me. I'm not sure why though. I just feel angry.

Sigh...

This whole week, I've been trying to adjust my template and it's beautiful... except that everytime I edit it on blogger, the image screws up :-( It doesn't appear at all... So I cannot use that new template of mine. It's frustrating cos I put in so much time to figure it out. (I learnt html years ago when internet was getting a boost, it's quite complicated now) Oh well, back to my boring stories.

If u're interested in the Singapore history, or wished Singapore is called N***k (pardon my vulgarity, quite an apalling word), u should read this entry. It's written by a local writer.

I have been watching the American Idol on and off and today, the 2 black women are in the bottom two. Is it a racist poll or more like a righteous one, where a black shouldn't be the American Idol?

Speaking of which, the pictures televised on the news channels, spread out in the papers now and then is sickening. I'm talking about the Iraqi abuse and lately, the decapitated American. When I say sickening, of course I meant sick to the stomach but also of the mass broadcast of the news. It's as though both sides are gaining sympathy, in a way... kinda pathetic, and sadistic. Whatever it is, neither sides are correct (morally, that is). Was it Ghandi that said that nonviolence is more difficult than fighting with weapons? (I'm not sure what exactly he said though) Maybe both sides are cowardly and unsure of what they want so they can play hide and seek or cat and mouse, instead of discussing peacefully. Of course, easier said than done. I studied history (at GCSE) and observed that those who don't compromise, fight. What we should not do is to generalise all Americans are dumbasses and all Arabs (specifically Muslims) as terrorists. That is very wrong. It is dumb to generalise. As it is, not all Americans supported the 'war against terror'. And of course, not all Arabs wield smuggled kalashnikovs or have an intrinsic desire to explode *solid matter from within. It's a dumb world. Oops... I shouldn't generalise the world as dumb as well!

*matter (science): all particles eg. humans, building, trains

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

I got this in my email. Funny how ppl my age are forwarding such stuff. Maybe the youth are taking their future seriously after all... Who knows? What do u think abt this? Is this analytical man making such a big fuss over marriage or is the bottomline, "we shouldn't get married"?

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).

Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.

What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life -bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

How can you test? Here are some suggestions.

1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".

"So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"

Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.

By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".

Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?

Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.

Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!

There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.

There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.

Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Asian parents?

In response to Nina's East meets West entry, I've decided to write some things abt my parents... My dad studied in UK for his tertiary education and also for a few yrs of elementary. As for my mom, she studied up till her Masters, here at home. My dad, a trained mechanical engineer and my mom, a trained surgical nurse.

Since young, they ruled with iron fists, except nobody got beaten. I never had a choice over what to do... From learning music to chinese to choosing schools etc. I hated everything of course. Oh, I couldn't choose what to eat as well!! I was such a deprived child over sweets and soft drinks. My sis, a yr younger, on the other hand had more things than I did. And everytime we fought, I got blamed. (btw, she represented Singapore for taekwondo in the previous Commonwealth games) U could tell u always got it worse.

Fast fwd: present
U could imagine tt I rebelled and all and duh, I did. I even failed my college exams on purpose tt I had to repeat my 1st yr. U see, I was always doing well in school and the better I did, the more demanding they became. So I failed it all to lower their expectations of me. Unfortunately, I got perpetually grounded ever since. I always couldn't go out as and when I liked and came up with excuses. Although I rebelled a lot, I was terrified of them. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Believe me u, my mother can be quite the devil with words.

Then I met my current bf in college (it's been >4yrs now) and him, being a paki, has worse parents. Boy or not, no difference. I thought my mother was the devil. His is 100 times worse. At least now I have my freedom and he doesn't have his yet. See, he has 3 other brothers and I guess his parents treat them like treasures. What irks me sometimes is why he never rebels or retaliates. But he has been instilled the very traditional values of respect for the elders and not to fight back. I guess it's good in a way (so I know when I don't meet him, he's either in school or helping clean the house). He hates his values but he loves it at the same time. I guess tt's what most Asians are confused abt.

Anyway, now I'm way past my juvenility (if tt's even a word) and I am pretty much matured now. Still, my mom treats me like I'm a stupid 12y/o. If anything is wrong, it's always me. In addition to my sis, I now have a brother raging with puberty hormones. So he's no more the little angel who listens to me. My parents get through to my sis through me. I am like the bridge linking this ice-block family. She is a boyish, rebellious girl who thinks she's stronger than men, and never listens to anyone. It's irritating.

Anyhow, although we speak only English at home and don't eat with our fingers, we're still pretty much the asian family, and a much more liberal one.

Is this my most long-winded entry ever or what?! I know it didn't really flow out well... just bits and pieces.