Yet again

Today, well yesterday, I woke up at 3am again! I couldn't return to sleep so I studied, had breakfast, cooked and then it was 7am, I read the newspapers. I dozed off in the afternoon because I was reading in bed.

In the evening, my migraine came on again. So I just popped a couple of Ibuprofen cos I didn't want to drink coffee in case I can't sleep. Yeah, ask me what time it is now!! Anyway, I don't know if the painkiller worked because I was in good company and I had a nice lemon milkshake so I guess I forgot about the pain.

What's up with me whining the whole week? Well, I'm having some problems with prospective issues. I'm not sleepless because it bugs me 24/7. I don't even think about it. It's just there, haunting me. I don't search for it. It lurks and will remain a parasite till my consciousness drain out. Fine, I exaggerate.

Thanks to Kak Tessa and Kak Long for the tips on the previous entry. Of course the best is to shut yourself in a dark room and try to sleep but what if you have work to do? What if you have school? What if you cannot sleep? Which is probably why it was bad for me cos the more I try to relax and sleep, the more I cannot sleep. Wicked. I even take warm milk with honey but they just make my tummy feel queasy (although it's slurping good).

Worry not everyone. I will go for yoga tomorrow to destress. That is, if I can sleep within the next half an hour.

What's my muse?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things. Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments. You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it. You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle. You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Everything is right except for the math part. I can do math but I don't like it. Those numbers and formulae don't make sense. How many formulae/theories which you learnt in school have you managed to apply in life? Only the most basic trigo and algebra... some statistics too. That's about it, unless your profession demands some mathematical calculations for dimensions.

Beware: Turbulent emotions ahead!

I'm awake at this time cos I woke up at 3am! Elinn was making some noise and I woke up, having slept barely 2 hours. I've been sleeping early and I wake up way too early. I tossed and turned in bed in the dark for over an hour and succumbed to this damned wakefulness. Is that a word? I have a splitting headache, probably due to not having enough sleep this whole week. I've been sleeping 3 hours per day on average this week! Have you noticed the number of exclamation marks I've used?! There I go again.

I have an extremely big problem (possibly) to muse on. Hence the lack of sleep? I don't know. I'm not even sure if I should type it out here. However, I do not know how to tackle it. And this whole week, I've had dark, puffy eyes from the lack of sleep. Maybe I'm overreacting. I do not know. But I'm seething with discontentment. I hate negativity. It's the only hate I have for in the world. All I want to do is sleep like a baby. Ok, like a cat. I just want to sleep... a lot. I'm very tired. Yet I can't sleep. Everyone thinks I sleep a lot just because I wake up late. But in reality, I do not sleep well. When I sleep long hours, it's cos I didn't sleep the previous night! Also, I hate morning sun.

I just had coffee to 'relax' this migraine of mine (and stay sane the rest of the day). Looks like it's starting to act up again (it has been a year!!!). I prefer taking coffee for migraines than to take those pills. They make you horribly nauseous. Well, it never worked for me anyway. Of all ailments I dislike are nauseousness, migraine and constipation/diarrhoea. Nauseousness and constipation/diarrhoea because they make my stomach feel horribly funky and it feels like toxins are flowing through my system and it makes me weak and double up in bed. Migraine because it impedes my thinking (or make me think of everything at one time, like many voices in my head) and my head throbs... also along with migraine comes nauseousness... and I'm like a vampire, meaning I cannot be near bright light. And my eyes cannot focus properly and smells like perfume and rubbish makes me super giddy. That's why I want to sleep. I dread sunrise. Sure, some of you will say that I have not seen the rest of it! True.

I think I made my coffee too strong cos I'm starting to grind my teeth and clench my jaw. I hate migraines. The nauseousness is already kicking in. I wanted to go for the yoga class at 7am later but with my mind in torrential weather, it will make yoga redundant. Along with the lack of sleep, I don't want to pass out midday.

You know, I'm afraid I might have schizophrenia (or some other mental disorder). I mean, I don't have split personalities. Just that everything I do, there's always a voice narration, and sometimes, there's another voice arguing over some logic or stupidity. It drives me crazy. It doesn't happen all the time but when there are so many voices, I just clench my jaw tight and try to ignore it. The voices don't tell me to commit vices so it's not the satan right? It's crazy cos even as I type right now, a voice is narrating what I'm doing and typing while another is reprimanding me for my inept usage of grammar and vocab. This is the voice that reminded me there's too many "!" and "and".There's another voice telling me to scream. It's chaotic in this head of mind. It's throbbing and I really dread the impending sunrise.

Right now, my head and nose is swooning in pain because mummy is leaving for work and the smell of perfume and soap is so painful! I hope Alann will not use the adidas deodorant which is so strong it hits my nasal passage, forking into my head and stomach. Ok, he did. Chanel perfume + adidas deo is already making me cringe in pain, clenching my jaw. This is why I never use perfume. I always scold Fazrul for using perfume whenever he brings breakfast before going to school. The bugger just loves perfume. Even after 6 years, it's so difficult to comprehend that my nasal passage is extremely sensitive in the mornings. I mean, use perfume to school for what? It's not for me cos I don't appreciate perfume. Most young men stink anyway. Especially when their school is on a hill...

I'm really trying to stay sane, which I usually am anyway. Although lack of sleep + migraine + nausea + voices in my head + long day might make me cranky by midday.

You have been forewarned. (But really, I'm not that mean... and no, it's not a mood swing.)

Apparently I have nothing better to do...

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're

strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.

Don't forget though, no matter how manly you

think you are, you're still just a doll. God

Bless America.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Is it that obvious that I'm "manly" or "guy-ish"? Cos I'm in girly clothes most of the time... with boots. Damn weird... The more quizzes I do, the more I picture myself as a transvestite! Wait... I'm not so sensitip. Ok la.

For girls with broadband and nothing to do...
You might enjoy these clowns. Somehow, the guy in the background seem oblivious to the ruckus going on. It's idiotic, really.
Guys, if you have high tolerance capacity, you may click. Hehe...

Quizzes for the fairer gender

Your Are a Bold Brunette

Men see you as striking and mysterious - you have a certain allure. Comfortable in your own skin, you know you have a unique beauty. You don't mind attention, but you don't need to seek it out.

How Blonde Are You?

Although sometimes, we are empowered to "behave blonde" and it helps. Like you never have to carry those heavy groceries and chip a fingernail!

You're a Window Shopper!

You know that shopping's a blast, but you prefer to save your money You hardly ever give into an impulse buy, unless it's a total steal You've always got the most money of your friends - and you never have to borrow And you've got a nice wardrobe too ... of classic pieces that last years!

Are You a Shopaholic?

Probably cos I'm unemployed! Haha... Although sales make me feel afraid of women.

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets. Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

How Girlie Are You?

I am somewhat a "guy" in mind. Don't know about tomboy though...

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style... But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him. Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often. No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Good to be independent right. Dear are you suffering or what? No right...

You Have Him Totally Hooked

Your guy is all yours - and happily so. He loves being around you, and he totally sees you as a couple. It looks like you two have a great future together - if you want it!

Do You Have Him Hooked?

I must say it's somehow true. Don't know how I did it. Girls, there's no secrets.

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that... Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!

How Long Will Your Relationship Last?

Errm... Can we trust these quizzes? Cos they all seem so true! I mean it and it's freaky.

Thoughts

This week has been filled with regular blog postings.

Last night (morning), I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to play a game on my hp in case it got my brain excited so I did something dull by scrolling through my contacts and deleting obsolete contacts. When it came to T,
Tasha
Tok Ayah
Tok Bang
Tok Ti

Tok Ayah. Instinctively, in the mode that I was in, I was about to delete it. Then... A weird realisation fell upon my conscience. I couldn't bring myself to. It was like wiping out the trace of a material existence. I was overcome by confusion and sadness... and reality. No doubt, the number will no longer be in use.

I thought about the house, the one incentive to look forward to when I'm northbound. Then I thought about how often I have used that contact, that is, calling that number. I thought about the person, my hp contact, with that number. Tok Ayah.

I still don't refer to them as arwah or the late. Is this wrong?

It's really difficult putting my thoughts into words right now. If I delete, it's like the contact disappears into oblivion. And if I don't, it will constantly bug my conscience. It seems so wrong. Somewhat a taboo.

Maybe it bugs my conscience because I have less memories of him compared to everyone else. Yet I hold on to my hp contact, Tok Ayah, to remind me that he was material and that I connected to him. Maybe technology really creates more problems for us. Not one of difficulty but of ethics. Then again, I digress as always.

I did not delete this precious contact.

If Klang is no more, where do I go? There's no more a place, by default. It makes me feel so lost.

By the way, I took Tok Ayah's scented (something like minyak attar) tasbir home. Call it the subconscious or the spiritual, but my room was filled with that scent when I got home today. Of course it's unusual as it hangs on the shelf above my bed.

My mind is turbulent with mixed feelings right now and even with 3 hours of sleep last night (this morning), I still cannot sleep now which is why I decided to blog.

I hate to be so emo but this is actually something serious. Someone tell me I'm not going mad. It's overwhelming.

P/S: Somehow, a few of us have current entries on Tok Ayah, and mine is purely coincidental.

Apologies

My sidebar is becoming packed with links I feel worthy to have a stand. It feels like I am beginning to seem like an activist of sorts and I should change my wallpaper filled with psychedelic peace symbols! Maybe I will... when I know how. I'm quite IT-challenged, if it isn't obvious yet.

Apologies to all if my sidebar links are causing any discomfort. I'm not preaching anything. I just want to share stuff that people usually take for granted.

I still cannot remember the song! Anyone from the hippie era, please enlighten me.

Yes, I've got Jefferson Airplane on my playlist now.

Disclaimer: Don't worry. As weird as I seem, as queer as to why I do not really conform, I am not crazed (or glazed, if you're that worried). Wait, is this disclaimer weird or what?

I can't remember!

The past 2 weeks, I have been listening to radio (Gold 90fm - mostly oldies). Why? Because I suddenly forgot the song that sang about the dying trees... I do not know if Gold 90fm plays it but I'm just hoping they'll miraculously play it and refresh my memory.

I do not like to forget.

Especially if they were things which could've made a difference.
I hope.

I'm a sucker for quizzes

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!
by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS!

Take the Book Quiz

I do not know about being able to inspire faith or even being an agent of higher powers. Hopefully the reason is that I am still too young => An obvious sign is that I work in "mysterious" ways (talk about shameless) though I'm doubtful about the "loud" part. So do I think this quiz holds truth?

You be the judge!

You are the driest area on Earth. Your annual rainfall is roughly the depth of a dollar bill. In fact, often you can go for several years without any precipitation whatsoever. If you wanted to fill a pint glass by rainfall alone, you would have to have started in 1704, five years before the invention of the piano; to get enough water to drown a man of average height would take 3600 years, or the time between us and the Hittites. You really put Canadian "dry" ginger ale into perspective.

Which Extremity of the World Are You?

Likely.