Reunion dinner?

Saturday night I prepared some mega steamboat at home... By that, meaning scallops, fish, and everything else la, bought by my mom, prepared by me. We were so full, we could barely move.

Then last night, we had a buffet dinner at Royal Plaza on Scotts with my family and my aunt's family. We probably sat for 2 hours!!! We rested in between with chocolate fondue with coffee, and continued again and again. Oh heart be still! I know... as shocking as it may sound, we (or probably just me) overate! And I had to go back my mrt and walk...

And later, my family is going for seafood dinner at Clarke Quay. Again?!!! I told my mom, we can always cancel the reservation. But I'm already imagining dipping my fried mantou bun in the tangy chilli crab sauce... *drools*

There you go! Have a good holiday. I gotta rush getting ready now. Chilli crab is awaiting ;-)

P/S: Chocolate fondue...
Fruit pieces on a stick
Marshmallows on a stick
Warm dark chocolate fountain

Oh, alright...

Hello hello...

Ok, so I have succumbed... Lyna convinced me to resurrect my blog and here it is. Unknown to you, I can be boring. It's really kinda weird knowing your elders read it! Plus, I have to watch my language... Ahaha... not that I'm a vulgar person to begin with.

If you look through my archives and read right from the beginning (which has been almost 2yrs) you'll realise that I can be incessantly incoherent. Might make reading easier but understanding difficult. Well, don't try to understand. My brain works in strange ways that I can't always catch up with it. Of course, I'm not saying I'm some genius (or the other opposite extreme). Just that the human body is one of the wondrous creations that as deep as science delves, it's almost impossible to comprehend its character.

Ok, my mesin now is quite karat (with respect to blogging and other things maybe). For starters, I have no breaking news except that come 27th (this Friday), I'm going for the 20th anniversary tour concert of Dream Theater! I am so excited!!! Somehow, excitement makes me hungry. And just thinking about being excited, I'm hungry right now. I know, it's weird. But I think, it's possibly due to the fact that excitement stimulates the secretion of adrenaline and adrenaline makes your heart, lungs and muscle work harder to prepare for fight or flight. This expands energy (probably miniscule in calorie counts) and somehow or rather, certain centres in the brain demand compensation such as food and rest. As weird as it sounds, I just theorised something which may pass off as a fact, and I'm not saying I'm wrong. Just that based on what I've studied, it might be true!

There you go, this entry ends with something incoherent as I've forewarned.

Long hairs unite!

Ok, what's the problem with having long hair? I've had to bear many stupid questions (to which my answer is) :

• Isn't it hot/warm? (No, if it's hot, I can bun it up and it's cooler)
• How long have you been keeping it? (Ever since I said "no" to the hairdresser)
• Don't you want short hair? (Sometimes, but it's like that, isn't it? Don't you wish you had long hair?)
• How do you wash it? (Normal la... Shampoo and condition)
• Don't you think you'll cut your hair? (Nope, but I trim it myself thank you.)
• How can you stand having long hair? (What do you mean? Act confused.)
• Your hair like pontianak! (Smile and say "Ya, I'm really after your blood" and laugh)

And what doesn't help me with all the questions is that I have curly/wavy/frizzy hair rolled in one...

• Don't you want straight hair? (Yes, but why are ppl perming their hair these days?)
• Are you going to rebond? (Not unless someone can pay $300 monthly maintenance for me)
• Isn't it itchy/scratchy? (Offer my head and say "touch". It's really fluffy like cotton!)
• How do you manage it? (Leave-in conditioner to protect and non-alcohol mousse to 'lock' the curls)
• Aren't you going to cut it? (And let me look like scary spice?! No thank you.)
• Don't you get split-ends? (Err, nope. No matter how bushy it looks, I cannot find a split-end. I condition and trim my ends.)
• Doesn't it get tangled? (No. All I have to do is wet my hair with my hands and run it with my finger and am ready to go. I look the same before I go to bed and when I get up!)
  

I think there could me many sincere and dumb questions and I do envy straight hair... and short hair. Because I have thin hair, it helps that I would never go for straightening unless I want to look like I'm balding! And long hair gives me a certain empowerment that I cannot put a finger to. Everyone around me especially my parents want me to cut it... It is sad that people think I don't look good in it, or hate long hair and there are certain discriminations against curly hair. People are afraid or disgusted as though I'm some Medussa.

Before you ask me dumb questions, ask to touch my hair and then you judge. Long, curly hair isn't as scary as that of a pontianak's, really. Well, maybe mine isn't as bad as people (have influenced me to) think. And to think I almost attempted to cut it short!

So I'm guilty of contemplating on snipping it up to above my shoulders. Then I couldn't bear to so I had it more bold-layered instead, from my chin to the length (which is now above my waist). I usually keep it slightly below the navel (longest length, not layered length). I have also cut my fringe to lighten off my hairline load and being the nincompoop that I am, I straightened it. But being the dumbass of a hairdresser, she layered my fringe to above my brows! And then I remembered why I never visit the hairdresser.

Now, I look like a little girl with a Jap hairstyle of long, layered perm and short chinadoll fringe. It is disastrous (to me). The consolation is, at least people pay hundreds to have my hairdo and I only paid $50 to straighten my fringe and trim/layer my length!

The worst question people ask me is

• Where did you perm you hair? (It's natural, I only iron my fringe once a while)
• Real curl ar? Cannot be leh... ( Smile.)
• But your hair look so unhealthy and dry... (Work the science. Curly=rough surface=>disperse light in all directions = not glossy like straight, black hair)
  

Hair ettiquette for men

If it's winter, and you're heling her put on a coat, you might help her by lifting her hair up gently, before she puts the coat on. Another way would be to gently wind her hair around her neck loosely like a scarf, and she puts her coat on over that. You don't want her to get her long hair caught under her coat, or have to sit on it.

If you are helping her into a car, you might help by gently picking her hair up and bringing it around to her front, so she can keep control of it. You don't want to shut her hair in the car door.

Be careful in crowds, because people will come right up and start touching her hair; if one of these people has a cigarette in their hand and they aren't paying attention..you know what might happen. So you have to be more attentive when you are in a crowd.

If you are walking down stairs together, if her hair is kneelength or longer, you might want to walk behind her, as her hair might drag on the steps behind her, and someone might come up and inadvertently step on it..painful.

If you go dancing, you should put your arm under hair, not over it.

If you are buying any clothing for them, you might want to consider getting something that will enable her to wear her hair down..fabrics like rayon, satin, silks, anything that allows her hair to slide on the fabric and not catch. It will keep it from tangling when it is down, and is much more comfortable, and you will like the way it flows and swirls more easily against this kind of fabric.

The same goes for nightwear. It's best if she wears something like this if you plan on combing/brushing her hair....I'm really on a roll, and I'm going to tell you how to do this, as well.

First, you have to be very careful, women are very protective of their hair, the longer it is, the more careful they have to be.

If the hair is longer than mid-back, I would suggest you use a wide toothed comb instead of a hairbrush. Otherwise you might tangle it.

You could have her sitting in a chair without a back, and you could stand or kneel behind her to brush or comb it. Yo should put one hand on the top of her head to steady her head as you gently pull the comb through. You might use short strokes, not going all the way through to her nape at first. It will be easier to straighten her hair that way, Or you might even have her comb her hair out first.

Another way would be for her to bend her head forward and you comb or brush her hair starting at the nape and going forward from there. It pulls less on the scalp, and you're not combing the more tender areas of the temple.

Another way , if her hair wasn't too long, would be for her to be standing or sitting in a chair facing you, and you let her rest her forehead on your chest, and you can comb her hair that way. That might be the best.

If you decide to carry her off into the sunset, yo shuld first bring her hair over her shoulder to her front, before you pick her up. Anything that causes her hair to get "caught" will really make her anxious.

Bed linens should be satin if she is wearing her hair down.

If she sees you treating her hair reverently, she will like you all the more, as she considers her hair a part of herself and you are honoring her when you do these things.

This etiquette was provided by Suzy, herself having floor length hair.

Tokmak

Recently, my granny just passed away. It was in the middle of the night when she was in bed and told my granddad that she felt breathless. He massaged her and she left the world like that. I'd like to see it as leaving peacefully, with your loved one by your side, painlessly. Almost ten years ago, my great-grandmother passed away. She was bedridden for 2 years before her passing.

May God bless their souls. Al-fatihah.

I didn't cry, although I was sad. As I watched my aunts cry while my granddad looked calm, I teared because I wondered how he can keep it all to himself. He is such a strong man.

The last time I went over was last Nov, for Lyna's wedding. During my visit this time, I realised how much I missed the charm of Malaysia. It is so laid back, even in kl... except for the traffic! Then again, I know it is not the place for me anytime soon... Maybe it isn't the country that I miss... but my family there.

Mindless?

I'm pretty much mindless these days... and am enjoying it. I'm making fruity meringue kisses, eating choc-mint brussels, chocolate crepes, watching ngc and discovery, reorganising my wardrobe according to colours... that's right. I've got colours now (think butterflies!) Ahaha... And god knows what I've been surfing online instead of my schoolwork! But come next week, I'll be on the bullet train to my exams. Did I say prepare for my exams? ~_^

Time to get mindless again. I've got a couple of weeks left!
Ahaha... (increase vol - soft recording)

Halloween not.

It's Halloween tomorrow and I'm not even excited about dressing up. Signs that I'm aging too fast?! I remember how Halloween found me the support of my life. He was there looking so dark and mysterious. I just had to ask him for the last dance. How many years has it been? Sometimes college seems like yesterday. And so the story began. I don't even have to beat about the bush singing

where do I begin?
to tell the story of how great alove can be...
the sweet love story that is older than the sea... ... ...

I usually do away with the mushy stuff. What is love then? Definitely not all the goosebumps-inducing acts. It's more subtle than surprises, gifts, words and poems. It's not about the obvious actions. Women tend to overlook the little things men do and usually try to find a fault to "make him a better man for her". I guess I do that sometimes. And I'm not really guilty of it!

The different Languages of Love.

• Service is a Language of Love.
  
• Gifting is a Language of Love.
• Sharing is a Language of Love.
• Time is a Language of Love.
• Sex is a Language of Love.
• Attention is a Language of Love.
• Patience is a Language of Love.
• Support is a Language of Love.
• Forgiveness is a Language of Love.
• Non-Judgment is a Language of Love.
• Understanding is a Language of Love.
• Mercy is a Language of Love.
• Compassion is a Language of Love

Of course, love doesn't mean that tingly happy feeling with a partner. It applies to everything and everyone. Love the nature around you and don't neglect or abuse it. Love the greens for giving you your essential minerals and fibre, and being the lungs of the earth (not when ingested of course). It is an intrinsic thing to love the nature.

Click here!

Click and read carefully

I found this site by googling "weapons of mass destruction"...
Now, I should get back to googling FTIR stuff for my pharmaceutical analysis report. Discipline, focus, focus! Right... I ended up putting in 3 blog entries and before I start crapping again, I'm outta here. Fade, Nina... now you know why I was MIA so long?

Sissy ol' me.

How much I've grown... Well, physically, not much :-( unless you call fats growth, which scientifically, isn't. An increase in protoplasm, ie. protein, would be considered growth. Accumulation of physical weight due to water, carbo and fats is pretty much expansion. Ok, that's besides the point.

I am starting to lose my men-mind... or maybe gaining more women-mind! First of all, I bought a pretty black satin dress adorned with colourful butterfly prints. Lately, my collection of pink items have increased 3 folds. I wear my heeled boots, not the rugged ones. I straighten my fringe to look prissy and gone are the days with the rugged rock hairstyle... Although I haven't fallen into manicures and pedicures (mainly because I cook and do stuff with my hands which ruin the edges and stain the cuticles). I adorn myself with accessories. I wear less kohl to tone down my old "goth" look. I carry bags on my forearm to distribute the weight. I am staring to wear face powder. I start to nag my guy friends once in a while.

Yikes.

Ok, maybe I am a little off the scale than I used to be. At least I still listen to only rock, classical, blues and some jazz. At least my guy friends still think I'm one of them. At least I still read espionage thrillers and have not read a single romance novel (unless you consider the Rice's Vampire Chronicle romance!). Haha... sounds like an identity crisis or sort of a coming-of-age entry. Yes, I'm in denial! Fine, I admit I like pink except that I would rather be caught dead in it. I guess it's time to embrace the pinkies and the butterflies (shudder). It's like men's ego I tell you. To be critical of things pink, sissy and un-rock. For the ladies, I now have something to fight for when my guy friends tease me for wearing pink and flowers. It is not funny. Pink is a nice, like Pink Floyd and I'd like to Shine On You Crazy Diamond cos it's the Sunshine of Your Love. It's really like Nights in White Satin when the Sultans of Swing sing Proud Mary who isn't Down on the Corner of China Grove. I'm like a Free Bird on a Magic Carpet Ride. Who says I'm on a Highway to Hell when this Purple Haze is great?

See, I still rawk!


P/S: Purple, black and maroon are still my favourite colours, especially in that combination... not the lilac kinda purple though. However I'm collecting more whites and beige. Damn, do I sound ditsy? Do I? Do I?!!! See, only women can pull this off ;-)

Daddy's little girl...

You're the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You're daddy's little girl, to have and to hold...

Bedazzled

So today I've started wearing my new rock! A yellow sapphire set in a ring I designed. I think it's quite nice and simple and I know what to hand down to my future descendants... Haha... In addition to the 8 carat African amethyst pendant. The colour and the clarity cannot be compared to diamonds.

Goodness, I'm only a student and I speak of such riches... Oh well, for one, the amethyst and the yellow sapphire are my "birth stones" and I only got them for my recent birthday. I believe it brings harmony to the body with the surroundings. It's natural after all... I guess, belief is something people hold on to, to assure themselves that something will be right.

I feel after the long break from blogging, I have yet to get used to writing things spontaneously cos now, my mind is filled with so many things, I don't even know what to write about!

I've been keeping my mind free of issues lately and probably I find myself at peace (more than usual) since I pray more often in this holy month. There were a few periods in my life when I thought I was going to die. There was also a period when I didn't care if I died. Now, I hold on to life so firmly I get stressed if my cab starts tailgating motorcyclists. The last thing I want is for someone to get hurt because of me.

One thing I believe truly is that things happen for a reason. I reckon God has a lot in store for all of us. If life is always fair, would any of us have anything to talk about?

Whoa...

My last entry was on 7th June. And even now, I'm too lazy to blog. It's been a long time. Anyway, whatever happened to all the comments?!!

I like purple. Like my new African amethyst pendant! Thanks to Fazrul for getting it for me for my birthday. I just realised that I'm actually quite old when my sisters friends asked me what I was studying and what I wanna be when I grow up.

"When I grow up?!"

It struck me that I have grown up. I'm now 23... and still studying due to my "pursuing interest and flexibility". Ok, I did work a while. That's the reason I was missing over 3 months. It was horrible working and studying together. That's like burning the candle on both ends. Burnt I was. I faced mental exhaustion, sleep depravation, skin aggravation... ok, maybe I'm exaggerating.

Now I'm recovering back my shine and I spend my free time reading, sleeping and cooking. I must've been a cat in my past life. But hey, at least I keep the grey matter working cos my reading materials are the newspaper and the Discover magazine. Of course, I occasionally spruce it up with textbooks... :'(

Heck, I even have time to trim my nails these days. One thing I haven't gotten around to doing is hitting the ivories. Blog-wise, I may be back. I have nothing worthy to write these days anyway. I might be an occasional blogger. Wasn't I one? Ok, I'm gonna be a full moon blogger.

By the way, it's that time of the year when I have to observe fast. I just had pancakes with maple. :-) It better last the whole day!!

The sun in spring makes me smile, not the sun in a tropical country. Anyway, in the background is the cathedral, part of the Jakob Monastery compound. Very historic, very old, very lovely. Need I say more? 

I miss this a lot... In the background is the lake Nero. This was taken in a town in the golden circle, outside Moscow. Isn't it so wonderful? I still dream of Russia. 

Yes, Nina... u're right. I've no idea why I'm putting this one up. It's during my cousin, Lyna's nikah. It was held in a surau. This one's a winner... hhaha... Do I look like a minah kampung?

I can finally do this! Have I introduced Fazrul to u? He's been supportive for the past 5 yrs. I know... mushy stuff... Ahhaha... He'll get a shock seeing his face if he ever visits this site!

Strapped

Cash-strapped, that is, I am... I need to find a part-time job so I won't ask my parents for money to spend on nansince! I don't like asking them for extra money... I am a poor student :-( If anyone is willing to donate, do leave a message! Wishful thinking huh?

Over the weekend, I had my below-the-waist long tress snipped to above the waist. It's so light and fluffy feeling. I cut my fringe too! But because I have stupid curly hair, I straightened my fringe :-) I think it doesn't look too bad. Nina, I have finally found the way to cover this forehead of mine. Hahah... I sound stupid.

On a more intellectual note, I felt clever during my laboratory session on cell biology today. On a disgusting note, I ate a whole tube of Oreos. :-( I know. Pls puke it out for me. On an impulsive note, I bought a bunch of comics! It cost me half my allowance. On an adventurous note, I'm reading Andy McNab's Crisis Four. What is the summary of the day?

Aargghhh...

I haven't been so angry in a long time. I'm now feeling anger burning in me. I'm not sure why though. I just feel angry.

Sigh...

This whole week, I've been trying to adjust my template and it's beautiful... except that everytime I edit it on blogger, the image screws up :-( It doesn't appear at all... So I cannot use that new template of mine. It's frustrating cos I put in so much time to figure it out. (I learnt html years ago when internet was getting a boost, it's quite complicated now) Oh well, back to my boring stories.

If u're interested in the Singapore history, or wished Singapore is called N***k (pardon my vulgarity, quite an apalling word), u should read this entry. It's written by a local writer.

I have been watching the American Idol on and off and today, the 2 black women are in the bottom two. Is it a racist poll or more like a righteous one, where a black shouldn't be the American Idol?

Speaking of which, the pictures televised on the news channels, spread out in the papers now and then is sickening. I'm talking about the Iraqi abuse and lately, the decapitated American. When I say sickening, of course I meant sick to the stomach but also of the mass broadcast of the news. It's as though both sides are gaining sympathy, in a way... kinda pathetic, and sadistic. Whatever it is, neither sides are correct (morally, that is). Was it Ghandi that said that nonviolence is more difficult than fighting with weapons? (I'm not sure what exactly he said though) Maybe both sides are cowardly and unsure of what they want so they can play hide and seek or cat and mouse, instead of discussing peacefully. Of course, easier said than done. I studied history (at GCSE) and observed that those who don't compromise, fight. What we should not do is to generalise all Americans are dumbasses and all Arabs (specifically Muslims) as terrorists. That is very wrong. It is dumb to generalise. As it is, not all Americans supported the 'war against terror'. And of course, not all Arabs wield smuggled kalashnikovs or have an intrinsic desire to explode *solid matter from within. It's a dumb world. Oops... I shouldn't generalise the world as dumb as well!

*matter (science): all particles eg. humans, building, trains

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

I got this in my email. Funny how ppl my age are forwarding such stuff. Maybe the youth are taking their future seriously after all... Who knows? What do u think abt this? Is this analytical man making such a big fuss over marriage or is the bottomline, "we shouldn't get married"?

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).

Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.

What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life -bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

How can you test? Here are some suggestions.

1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".

"So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"

Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.

By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".

Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?

Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.

Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!

There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.

There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.

Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Asian parents?

In response to Nina's East meets West entry, I've decided to write some things abt my parents... My dad studied in UK for his tertiary education and also for a few yrs of elementary. As for my mom, she studied up till her Masters, here at home. My dad, a trained mechanical engineer and my mom, a trained surgical nurse.

Since young, they ruled with iron fists, except nobody got beaten. I never had a choice over what to do... From learning music to chinese to choosing schools etc. I hated everything of course. Oh, I couldn't choose what to eat as well!! I was such a deprived child over sweets and soft drinks. My sis, a yr younger, on the other hand had more things than I did. And everytime we fought, I got blamed. (btw, she represented Singapore for taekwondo in the previous Commonwealth games) U could tell u always got it worse.

Fast fwd: present
U could imagine tt I rebelled and all and duh, I did. I even failed my college exams on purpose tt I had to repeat my 1st yr. U see, I was always doing well in school and the better I did, the more demanding they became. So I failed it all to lower their expectations of me. Unfortunately, I got perpetually grounded ever since. I always couldn't go out as and when I liked and came up with excuses. Although I rebelled a lot, I was terrified of them. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Believe me u, my mother can be quite the devil with words.

Then I met my current bf in college (it's been >4yrs now) and him, being a paki, has worse parents. Boy or not, no difference. I thought my mother was the devil. His is 100 times worse. At least now I have my freedom and he doesn't have his yet. See, he has 3 other brothers and I guess his parents treat them like treasures. What irks me sometimes is why he never rebels or retaliates. But he has been instilled the very traditional values of respect for the elders and not to fight back. I guess it's good in a way (so I know when I don't meet him, he's either in school or helping clean the house). He hates his values but he loves it at the same time. I guess tt's what most Asians are confused abt.

Anyway, now I'm way past my juvenility (if tt's even a word) and I am pretty much matured now. Still, my mom treats me like I'm a stupid 12y/o. If anything is wrong, it's always me. In addition to my sis, I now have a brother raging with puberty hormones. So he's no more the little angel who listens to me. My parents get through to my sis through me. I am like the bridge linking this ice-block family. She is a boyish, rebellious girl who thinks she's stronger than men, and never listens to anyone. It's irritating.

Anyhow, although we speak only English at home and don't eat with our fingers, we're still pretty much the asian family, and a much more liberal one.

Is this my most long-winded entry ever or what?! I know it didn't really flow out well... just bits and pieces.